Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU.

Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone.

Have you ever thought, “If I just had another partner to meet the need my current partners aren’t fulfilling, I’d finally feel satisfied”?

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine unpacks one of the biggest traps in polyamory: using new partners to fill gaps that actually require inner work.

So many breakups in polyamory get blamed on “bad communication.” But what if it’s really a scheduling problem in disguise?

Richie joins me on this week’s episode to share how a cancer journey, a small ski town, and a whole lot of overlapping calendars inspired him to create PYE — a new app that makes dating, boundaries, and consent less overwhelming and way more intentional.

Midlife desire isn’t a decline — it’s a second spring. In this episode of my non monogamy podcast, I talk with Carla Wainwright about menopause and sex, pleasure as medicine, and what polyamory in midlife can really look like.

Curious about open relationships but tired of the Instagram highlight reel version? This episode gets real about what it actually takes to make non-monogamy work — the messy feelings, the constant negotiations, and the communication skills you didn’t know you needed until it was too late.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-written gender scripts sneak into all kinds of relationships — yes, even ethical non-monogamy.

“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?” 

If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you.

What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free?

In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey, relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex, to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control environments like purity culture, religious abuse, cults, or narcissistic family systems:

In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who just don’t get it. She shares what real support actually looks like, how it feels in your body, and why tolerating your truth isn’t the same as honoring it.

Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”?Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you?

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And especially inside non-monogamy, where wanting more can trigger every insecurity we’ve ever inherited from monogamy culture.

So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy.

What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community.

Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule?
Always chill, never the squeaky wheel?
This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking for connection.

We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival.

Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes?

You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again.In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops—how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start breaking the cycle for good.

You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down. In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire.

What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life.

Tired of misunderstandings, silent resentment, or agreements that leave you feeling unseen?

In this episode, we unpack the real difference between collaboration and compromise—and how building intentional, values-based agreements in non-monogamy can transform your relationships.

Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything right in your open or polyamorous relationship—and yet still crumble inside the moment your partner connects with someone else? In this honest and unfiltered episode, I explore what real self-love looks like in non-monogamous relationships—especially when comparison, jealousy, and insecurity hit hard. 

In this raw and revealing episode, I sit down with six-time Emmy-nominated TV producer Jeff Hudson to talk about his memoir Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple. Jeff shares what it was like to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of a throuple, how jealousy blindsided him, and why non-monogamy cracked him wide open—in the best and worst ways.