Compersion is often hailed as the gold standard in non-monogamous relationships, but what if you don’t feel it? Or only feel it sometimes? Ellecia Paine unpacks why compersion isn’t mandatory, how neutrality can be radical, and why authentic emotional safety (not performative joy) matters in polyamory.

Have you ever rehearsed a hard conversation in your head… and then the second you try to have it, everything comes out wrong? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about communication, conflict, and how to navigate hard conversations around jealousy without losing yourself in the process. 

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what to actually do when jealousy takes over.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the connection between jealousy and boundaries, and why jealousy often gets louder when you’ve been ignoring yourself.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down why jealousy feels so intense, especially in non-monogamy, and what’s often really happening underneath it.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the hidden cost of ignoring jealousy, especially in polyamory and open relationships, and why trying to “be chill” or push past your feelings usually creates more distance, not more security. You’re not failing. Learn why difficult emotions like jealousy are normal, how to develop emotional resilience, and discover real tools for self-trust and regulation in open relationships.

Dating someone who’s already partnered requires a different level of self-awareness, communication, and emotional responsibility than most people are prepared for. Not because it’s inherently harder… but because it exposes patterns that are easy to miss in more traditional relationship structures.

If you’re navigating non-monogamy as a solo person, especially when you’re dating someone who already has an established partner, this episode will give you the clarity and grounding you’ve been missing.

In this episode, I’m breaking down how triangulation actually shows up in non-monogamy, why it’s so easy to fall into, and how it can quietly create tension and distortion in your relationships. We talk about the difference between venting and processing, the “emotional telephone” effect, and how to stop carrying emotional weight that was never yours to hold.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by writer and poet Kate Heskett, whose story appears in the new anthology Pillow Talk, a collection of real, raw, awkward, and hilarious experiences of sex, intimacy, and desire. Kate shares what it was like to show up alone to their very first swingers hotel takeover, the anxiety, the curiosity, and the unexpected validation of finding people who see the world the way they do.

In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine explores the real emotional pacing of metamour connections. From the pressure to create “kitchen table polyamory” right away, to the importance of chemistry, play, and nervous system safety, this conversation offers grounded insight for anyone navigating polyamory, open relationships, or complex love dynamics.

New Relationship Energy can feel like rocket fuel at the start of a romance. But is moving fast always the best move? In this episode, I explore why NRE feels so intoxicating, some of the challenges it can create, especially in non-monogamous relationships, and why slowing down can actually help you build deeper, more sustainable connections.

So many people in ethical non-monogamy confuse boundaries with rules, agreements, or ultimatums. When that happens, resentment builds quietly under the surface.

In this episode, we explore the difference between:

• Personal boundaries and relationship agreements

• Boundaries and ultimatums

• Autonomy and self-abandonment

In this episode, I’m sitting down with Candace Sogren, lawyer, former CEO, emotional intelligence facilitator, mom, and author of Poly Agony. She’s been ethically non-monogamous for over 20 years, raising a child in community, building non-traditional family structures, and living this life fully out loud. And we’re not talking about the cute, Instagram version of polyamory. We’re talking about the mistakes. The broken agreements. The repair conversations. The parenting realities. And what it actually takes to make this sustainable.

In this episode, we explore how trauma, people-pleasing, and polyamory culture can teach us to need less, and why you’re allowed to want more.

There’s no prize for needing less.
You’re not needy. You’re human. 

In this episode, I’m sitting down with Dr. Joy Berkheimer, clinical sexologist, therapist, and just an incredibly grounded, radiant human.

We talk about her journey from monogamy → swinging → polyamory → and eventually landing in a deep relationship with herself that feels steady, confident, and wildly self-loving. This conversation is about giving yourself permission.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by Natalie Davis, editor of Polyamory Today and author of the memoir Saying Yes: My Adventures in Non-monogamy.

Natalie shares her deeply human journey from a traditional, long-term monogamous marriage through infidelity, swinging, and polyamory, and how that path eventually led to building a chosen family that includes her partner and her metamour, all living together under one roof.

Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s not a failure. And it’s almost never about your partner. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Ellecia unpacks a powerful realization sparked by reading Financial Feminist: the way we experience jealousy is strikingly similar to the way we experience money shame. Both are rooted in scarcity. Both are tied to safety, worth, and fear of loss. And both get way more painful when we shame ourselves for feeling them.

In this episode, Ellecia Paine breaks down why honesty alone doesn’t create emotional safety, how emotional invalidation quietly shuts people down in non-monogamous relationships, and what real validation actually looks like. We explore jealousy, insecurity, nervous system safety, and why being corrected instead of received makes it harder to open up over time.

Opening a relationship can feel exciting and urgent, especially once the idea of non-monogamy is on the table. A lot of couples hear advice like “date separately” and assume that’s the next step they’re supposed to take.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I slow that moment way down.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what’s really underneath rules like the One Penis Policy and forced triads, and how to talk about them without turning the conversation into a power struggle. This episode is a continuation of Episode 138, where we explored why dating separately is such an important growth tool in polyamory. Episode 139 focuses on the communication skills needed when a partner feels scared of autonomy and uses structure to manage fear.