Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s not a failure. And it’s almost never about your partner. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Ellecia unpacks a powerful realization sparked by reading Financial Feminist: the way we experience jealousy is strikingly similar to the way we experience money shame. Both are rooted in scarcity. Both are tied to safety, worth, and fear of loss. And both get way more painful when we shame ourselves for feeling them.

In this episode, Ellecia Paine breaks down why honesty alone doesn’t create emotional safety, how emotional invalidation quietly shuts people down in non-monogamous relationships, and what real validation actually looks like. We explore jealousy, insecurity, nervous system safety, and why being corrected instead of received makes it harder to open up over time.

Opening a relationship can feel exciting and urgent, especially once the idea of non-monogamy is on the table. A lot of couples hear advice like “date separately” and assume that’s the next step they’re supposed to take.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I slow that moment way down.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what’s really underneath rules like the One Penis Policy and forced triads, and how to talk about them without turning the conversation into a power struggle. This episode is a continuation of Episode 138, where we explored why dating separately is such an important growth tool in polyamory. Episode 139 focuses on the communication skills needed when a partner feels scared of autonomy and uses structure to manage fear.

In this episode, I break down why dating separately is about building autonomy, emotional maturity, and real trust rather than abandoning your partner or weakening your relationship, 

You’ll hear why dating together often feels safer at first, how monogamous conditioning shapes those instincts, and why avoiding separate dating can actually keep couples stuck in fear-based patterns that undermine connection over time.

In this intimate conversation, I sit down with Sharon Marie Scott, Erotic Mystic, author of Forbidden Alchemy, and longtime educator in kink, conscious relating, and ethical non-monogamy. Sharon’s work bridges mysticism, sensual embodiment, psychology, and the sacred-erotic arts… and this episode goes deep in the best possible ways.

If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive.

Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both monogamous and non-monogamous partners and brings a grounded, compassionate, very human approach to communication, trust, and emotional safety.

This week on Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting real about the hilarious (and exhausting) ways we try to outsmart our emotions, and why logic doesn’t work when your body doesn’t feel safe.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthaler to talk about what it actually means to do relationships on purpose, not just by default.

Jessica’s been practicing and teaching ethical non-monogamy for over a decade, and the way she talks about relationship design will blow your mind a little (and soothe your inner overthinker a lot).

In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system.

Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU.

Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone.

Have you ever thought, “If I just had another partner to meet the need my current partners aren’t fulfilling, I’d finally feel satisfied”?

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine unpacks one of the biggest traps in polyamory: using new partners to fill gaps that actually require inner work.

So many breakups in polyamory get blamed on “bad communication.” But what if it’s really a scheduling problem in disguise?

Richie joins me on this week’s episode to share how a cancer journey, a small ski town, and a whole lot of overlapping calendars inspired him to create PYE — a new app that makes dating, boundaries, and consent less overwhelming and way more intentional.

Midlife desire isn’t a decline — it’s a second spring. In this episode of my non monogamy podcast, I talk with Carla Wainwright about menopause and sex, pleasure as medicine, and what polyamory in midlife can really look like.

Curious about open relationships but tired of the Instagram highlight reel version? This episode gets real about what it actually takes to make non-monogamy work — the messy feelings, the constant negotiations, and the communication skills you didn’t know you needed until it was too late.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-written gender scripts sneak into all kinds of relationships — yes, even ethical non-monogamy.

“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?” 

If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you.

In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who just don’t get it. She shares what real support actually looks like, how it feels in your body, and why tolerating your truth isn’t the same as honoring it.

Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”?Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you?

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And especially inside non-monogamy, where wanting more can trigger every insecurity we’ve ever inherited from monogamy culture.