Rewind: How to Build Secure Polyamorous Relationships | Jessica Fern & David Cooley
Some conversations are just too good to stay buried in the archives.
This week I'm bringing back one of my absolute favorite episodes with Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure, and David Cooley, co-author of Polywise. Even three years later, this conversation feels just as relevant, thoughtful, and practical as it did the first time we recorded it.
If you've ever struggled with jealousy, conflict, emotional triggers, or wondered how to build relationships that actually grow stronger through hard conversations, you're going to want to listen to this one.
What I love most about this conversation is that Jessica and David don't just teach relationship theory. They share the messy, beautiful reality of living it. They talk openly about opening their relationship, divorce, becoming life partners again, raising a child together, repairing after conflict, and the emotional work it took to get there.
We explore what emotional intelligence actually looks like in everyday relationships, why slowing down often creates more freedom than rushing ahead, and how conflict can become one of the greatest pathways to intimacy instead of something to avoid.
One of my favorite moments comes near the end of the episode, when Jessica and David turn the tables and interview me about my own journey through jealousy. Looking back now, it's fascinating to hear that conversation knowing how much my work has continued to evolve around helping people move through jealousy with compassion instead of shame.
If you're newer to non-monogamy, this episode will give you practical tools for navigating the inevitable challenges that come with growth.
If you've been practicing for years, I think you'll still find yourself nodding along and maybe hearing something in a completely new way.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why relationships don't have to fit an all-or-nothing model
What emotional intelligence actually looks like in healthy relationships
How to recognize when repair is needed before resentment builds
The role conflict plays in creating deeper intimacy
Working with nervous system regulation during difficult conversations
Why curiosity is one of the greatest relationship skills you can develop
The power of slowing down while opening a relationship
Healing attachment wounds and building lasting security
Whether polyamory is an identity, an orientation, or a relationship choice
My personal journey from overwhelming jealousy to emotional freedom
Whether you're just opening your relationship or you've been practicing non-monogamy for years, this conversation is full of the kind of wisdom that only comes from people who've done the work themselves.
I'd love to hear what stands out to you after listening. Come find me on Instagram and let me know what resonated most.
If this episode supports you, please share it with someone who could use a little more compassion, clarity, and hope on their own relationship journey.
Thanks for being here, and enjoy this Rewind episode.
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
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