Midlife, Menopause & Non-Monogamy: Reclaiming Pleasure, Power & Desire with Carla Wainwright EP. 126
What if midlife wasn’t the decline everyone warns you about, but a second spring?
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Carla Wainwright, Holistic Wellness Coach, Sexual Awakening Facilitator, and self-proclaimed Midlife Alchemist. We talk about what really happens to women’s desire, relationships, and identity in midlife, and how it all ties into exploring non-monogamy, polyamory, and rewriting the love scripts we didn’t ask for.
Carla shares why:
🔥 Desire evolves with us (and midlife is often when it finally gets honest)
🧠 Communication has to start with the nervous system, not just words
🚧 Boundaries get sharper as we age, and that’s actually freedom
💋 Pleasure isn’t optional; it’s medicine for hormones, libido, and vitality
We also get real about:
✔️ What non-monogamy looks like in midlife
✔️ Why menopause can actually increase desire and sexual energy
✔️ How pleasure and presence help regulate hormones and deepen connection
✔️ Why this stage of life is a portal into power, clarity, and turn-on
If you ever think, “I don’t know what I want, but I know it isn’t this,” this conversation will remind you: you’re not broken, you were born lovable, and you get to want what you want.
👉 Don’t miss Carla’s Just the Tip segment, available exclusively on Patreon at patreon.com/notmonogamous. Become a friend with benefits and get access to the spicier stuff.
🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned:
Connect with Carla + download The Vibrancy Guide: vibrancyreset.com or www.carlawainwright.com
Support the podcast on Patreon: patreon.com/notmonogamous
📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter
❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous
👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
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Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237
TRANSCRIPT:
Ellecia: [00:00:00] Today we're talking about midlife desire and reimagining love outside the monogamy box. And my guest is not only brilliant, she calls herself a midlife alchemist, which honestly makes me wanna hand her a cauldron. Carla Wainwright is a holistic wellness coach and a sexual awakening facilitator who helps women over 40 reclaim vitality and pleasure and power.
Ellecia: And in this episode, we get real about why so many women hit midlife. And then suddenly realize that the old script doesn't fit anymore. Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's culture. Maybe it's the fact that you've been people pleasing for decades and you're just done. Carla shares why desire is not fixed, why communication has to start with the nervous system and how boundaries get sharper with age.
Ellecia: Also why pleasure isn't optional, it's medicine and necessary. And of course, we talk about what all of this means when you're non-monogamous. Spoiler. [00:01:00] Midlife is not the end of relationships or sex. It's a second spring. So if you've ever found yourself thinking, I don't know what I want, but I know this isn't it, this conversation is gonna light something up in you.
Ellecia: Okay, well, welcome Carla to Nope, we're not monogamous. I'm so happy you're here and I'm excited to chat with you. Yeah, I've been really looking forward to this. Thank
Carla: you for inviting me.
Ellecia: Of course, of course. Okay. So, uh, why don't we do this Actually, could you just, um, briefly.
Ellecia: Explain or tell the listeners
Carla: kind of who you are and what you do. Sure. So, um, like many people, I'm a few things, but I, I call myself, um, a holistic wellness coach. I'm also a sexual awakening facilitator, and I've kind of merged all of that into what I like to call myself as a midlife alchemist. And so [00:02:00] my passion is really helping women over 40 navigate.
Carla: Transition towards what is known as the second spring, which is a time of incredible vibrancy and aliveness and creativity and passion and all of these wonderful things. And to navigate that blending, uh, the sacred. So with, with, uh, um, divine feminine practices and embodiment as well as science. So really getting into lifestyle, metabolic health and all of these pieces together.
Carla: So that's kind of how I frame what I do.
Ellecia: I love that. That's so freaking good. So good. I love it. Uh, especially being like, I am about to turn 47 and, and experiencing all the things. Um, mm-hmm. So super relatable. Excuse me. So, um, okay. So you call yourself a a Midlife Alchemist, which I love. Uh, and on this show we talk a lot about like reimagining love and relationships outside of the monogamy [00:03:00] box.
Ellecia: So I'm curious how you see midlife as an alchemical moment for like re-imagining relationships.
Carla: Absolutely. Well, it is absolutely. So, so much shifts in this midlife journey. Women, um, start to, you know, question who they are, their roles, their relationships, um, things are changing in their bodies, which is also contributing to some of that questioning and.
Carla: There's also, I think, a layer on top of that of, um, you know, cultural narratives and stress and all of these various pieces, which, um, really lead women to be at this juncture in their life of like, who am I and what do I want life to look like? And, uh, a lot of women are intensely dissatisfied with their lives when they hit this point.
Carla: You know, maybe, um, they've had roles that they haven't really enjoyed, maybe. Um, they're in relation, in a relationship which isn't [00:04:00] fulfilling them. Um, and so it really does lead to this deep, intense questioning. So the alchemical moment is really to harness the, the curiosity and potential that lies in this time of transition.
Carla: And, um, use it as this like springboard into something new, into something vibrant, exciting, you know, whether that is non-monogamy or maybe it's redefining the relationship you're in or leaving the relationship you're in, or whatever that is. I think that there are all of these pieces that really happen to women at this phase in their life, um, which, um, I think are really exciting opportunities.
Carla: Not everybody frames them that way, but I think that it, it can be actually, uh, framed in a way that it is, you know, okay, so I'm unhappy or I want something different, or I'm not sure what it is. And it actually leads into this deep level of self-inquiry and, um, yeah. Amazing possibility.
Ellecia: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Ellecia: Amazing. I, something that I see a [00:05:00] lot is this thing where people are, are dissatisfied. They, they don't like what's going on, but they have no idea what they want. Like, what actually do I desire? What, what would make this better? It's like, like they just have no idea what their options are. And I'm curious how, how, like, like what would, what would you say to someone who's like, I don't know what I want, I just don't like this.
Carla: It's, it's really fascinating. I think it's, it's easy for us to be really clear about what we don't like, but not so easy for us to be clear about what we do want. Right. And I, you know, even in my own, uh, sexual journey, just, um, I was really clear on what I didn't like, but then when I'd be asked, well, what do you want?
Carla: I was like, no, I don't know. I don't even know how I wanna be touched. I don't even know any of these things. Um, so I think, you know, part of it is just. I think especially for women, is that we're not culturally conditioned to ask for what we [00:06:00] want. So we tend to be people pleasers. We tend to give other people what they want.
Carla: Um, and so it actually is a question. It's like, well, I, I don't know because nobody's ever asked me, or I've never given myself the space to actually feel into what that is. You know, in, in the work that I do with women, to really discover what it is that you want, the key. There's a couple pieces to this, but the key is to really, um, explore that dimension slowly because so much of it relates to how regulated your nervous system is.
Carla: And like I know in my own experience when I would be asked what I wanted, especially in the, in the sexual sphere, I would become so dysregulated because it, it was like a trigger for me that then I couldn't even, even answer. I wouldn't even have words. And, and I'm normally a person who doesn't have a hard time with words, so.
Carla: I think this is the experience for a lot of women that, um, just being asked or just having to contemplate that can be a trigger of some kind and can really put you into [00:07:00] a state of dysregulation. And of course when we're in more of a fight or flight or freeze, uh, response, it's really hard to then express that.
Carla: So. Creating a sense of safety and doing things like, I love this idea, you know, from chemistry titration, which is just, you add a little bit and then you wait and see what happens. And then if it's okay, then you add a little bit more. So if, you know, if you had two beakers of stuff, if you just poured it all over into one, it might explode.
Carla: But if you did it, you know, with, with a pipette and you just did one drop and waited and then it was okay, you would just continually add. So it's the same thing, you know, with our bodies, with our nervous systems. Giving, um, small amounts of possibilities in terms of like, what is it that I want? And then noticing like, you know, how, how does that land in me?
Carla: What, what's my inner landscape telling me? What's my body telling me? What's my mind telling me? And then leaning into a little bit more if that feels okay. And so this is like a whole [00:08:00] exploration of like, what I think is one of the most powerful healing tools for women is the power of pleasure. Of titrating pleasure and learning to, to be able to receive more of it.
Carla: And in that receiving we get clear, uh, more clarity and clear about what it is that we want, and then we build that capacity to actually ask for that and really stand in, you know, the fullness of what it is that really allows us to thrive and flourish in a vibrant way.
Ellecia: Yeah.
Ellecia: Yeah. I love that so much.
Ellecia: It's, um. I'm always telling people who are like, we wanna open our relationship and, and there's this, like either we are open or we're closed, and there they forget all of the in-between steps, right? Like all of the little things you can do. Like you don't have to go have sex with a stranger because you've decided you're gonna be non monogamous.
Ellecia: You can go talk to someone new and then see how that feels and come back into your relationship and go, oh, here's what I experienced. Here's what was good, here's what was bad, here's what was [00:09:00] scary. I liked it. I didn't like it. Right. Like, you don't have to go, you don't have to eat the whole Sunday. Yeah.
Ellecia: It's that same, it's that same thing. And I'll probably,
Carla: yeah, it is exactly the same thing. And then, you know, as, as, uh, you know, uh, couples navigate non-monogamy, that is probably going to create such a much more solid foundation in capacity for. What is key, and I'm sure you, you talk about this all the time, is like the, the foundation of, of um, communication, right?
Carla: And so how can these little tiny experiences, well they're not tiny, they can feel really actually really huge. How can these, you know, um, maybe bite-size experiences, um, you know, how can I use this to enhance my. You know, connection with this person and the exploration with this person and all the things that we desire, you know, as individuals, but also that we're co-creating within the relationship.
Ellecia: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. [00:10:00] Um, thinking of, of desires and everything you were just describing and like the titration and, and the. Uh, like nervousness or fear or anxiety that comes with like, what do you want? And then trying to figure out what you want and then answering that question. And I know for myself, it's so often like, well, here's a couple of pieces that I know I want, but if I ask for that, then these other things have to change.
Ellecia: Uh, and that sounds terrible. So it's like, well, I'll settle for what I know, or I'll just keep what I know. I don't know what will happen if I ask for the thing that I think I want.
Carla: Yeah, I mean, I think we're, we are definitely higher hardwired for, um, you know, that sense of predictability, even if that's not really what we want.
Carla: Right? Yeah. 'cause it feels safer. What, what's unknown feels scary and um, you know, it is activating to our nervous system. Absolutely. [00:11:00] So. Yes. You know, we might ask for one thing and then the mind then gets busy and starts to create, you know, a big picture about, and that that picture may be true or not true.
Carla: Right, right. And the mind is being fantastically good at creating stories. And very often it's actually not an accurate picture of what, what actually would happen. And so, you know, I guess if that felt like a hesitation for, for someone, then. I would say like creating, um, creating some context about asking for what I want and being really clear about that.
Carla: Well, you know, hey, I, um, I have this idea of what I want, but I'm actually afraid that this, you know, it may lead to, to X, Y, Z and that piece I'm feeling really frightened about. So just vocalizing that and, and having a conversation about laying some, um. I don't, the word is escaping me, but like, kind of like ground rules, like things that, boundaries that just feel like, [00:12:00] um, can help lean into that desire function that, that, um, that you may really want, but feel hesitant to have.
Carla: Like, I, there's so many layers to it. It's not as simple as like, I just want this. Right. Yeah. There's so many layers to it. Part of the, the beautiful opportunity within the context of a relationship. Like, I really believe that a relationship is this, it can be this container for expanded consciousness, you know, not just for you, but, but as, as you know, the partner or partners, right?
Carla: So, um. And, and there are multiple layers to that, right? And so it isn't as just as simple as one little piece. And so how do you weave all of these threads together so that people feel increasingly able to be more authentic to their desires, their needs, um, and have the people around them to be just like really lovingly [00:13:00] supporting them, um, as you know, that person would wanna do for the other people as well.
Carla: Like,
Ellecia: Hmm mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. I had so many thoughts as you were saying that, and one that came to mind for me was the, this thing I see a lot, uh, as we talk about how, um, uh, how women are, are coming to a point, you know, as we start to age, coming to a point where we're like. I don't want all the things that I've been told I'm supposed to want.
Ellecia: And I, here's all the things I actually do want. And also, uh, I don't want to settle for what made everyone else happy. And it, it seems like there is a, the word that's coming to mind for me is boundaries, but like, like people get really offended or. Um, annoyed by women like suddenly having [00:14:00] boundaries and, and, and saying no, and, um, asking for the things that they want.
Ellecia: And I wonder, I wonder what, what you see there.
Carla: I'm just laughing 'cause I'm thinking we'll just wait till you hit menopause. Uhhuh, you get really clear. Um, yeah, so. Well, I, I think I, I probably keep coming back to biology because you know, of course we're, we're, we are made those, we are biological beings of course.
Carla: And so I think that, um, from like a, an evolutionary perspective for humanity. There's something in women about being people pleasing, uh, in our younger years, which probably ha it, it's like for survival, right? Yeah. So if we please, you know, a person or the people around us, then that ensures our safety and the safety, you know, if I had kids, the safety of my kids and my family, et cetera.
Carla: So I think there's a little bit of a, a [00:15:00] biological, you know, hard wiring around that. Then as we move beyond that into the per menopausal phase and also into postmenopausal, we don't have that biological need anymore. And so part of that is that our hormones are changing, right? We have, uh, less estrogen, you know, less testosterone, progesterone, and that is creating this really dramatic change neurochemically in our brains as well as our bodies.
Carla: And so just the way that we think, just the way that we interact with the world dramatically changes. And because if we overlay on top of that, this cultural narrative that, um, as women age, we're in decline or we're less useful, or we become invisible because we've lost the sort of like youthful, fertile, you know, juiciness, which is bullshit by the way.
Carla: But you know, like that's kind of mm-hmm. The narrative that's given to us. Um. If we, if we kinda lay that on top of [00:16:00] the, the shifting way that our brain is functioning and our then what we're desiring in life that annoys people like that, it just, like you weren't, the way that that culture re is reinforcing that women should be and behave, right?
Carla: Mm-hmm. So we don't, um, and so. That creates a lot of, it can create a lot of conflict. It creates conflict within society. Right. You know, I mean, of course we all know that, you know, if a woman's CEO is tough, then she's a bitch. And then if a guy man, CEO is like tough, then, you know, he's a great leader at such a, like, they're all of these cultural narratives around these pieces.
Carla: And so as women step into like really being the CEO of their lives and how they want their life to unfold, um, there can be a lot of pushback. Um. Which, you know, does create a fair amount of conflict. So I think, you know, what's important is that these conversations are happening, that both men and women begin to [00:17:00] understand that what is happening is not because, um, you know.
Carla: She's less likable or she's less X, y, z, it's that things are actually changing for her biologically neurochemically. And that's a good thing, right? That's a good thing as a woman steps into the being the CEO of her life and wanting, you know, I, I just like, that's just a phrase that just came to me, but it's, it's sort of this idea of, of really stepping into, um, this place of, of really like deep wisdom and clarity and, um.
Carla: Really like incredible vibrancy. And so I think when there's more understanding about that, then there is room for more compassion for what that journey looks like and more acceptance. And then it's like, well then how do we bring, how do we bring things together? Right? We don't wanna create like this polarity where there's distance.
Carla: It's like, okay, so there's a shift, there's a transformation, um, moving into something remarkable. [00:18:00] So how do we like magnetize? Um, well, how do we magnetize ourselves back together given that these shifts are happening?
Ellecia: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's fascinating how you keep mentioning how like, this is a good thing, but so much of our, uh, like cultural narrative, the story we have around menopause is that it's like a bad thing and a scary thing, and nothing is good anymore.
Ellecia: And sex isn't good and nobody wants it, and, you know, uh. Why is that?
Carla: Well, I mean, I, I think that there's, there's always been some fascination with youth and youthfulness and, and everything that goes along with that. Um, you know, I think it's very much rooted in misogyny and the patriarchy as well of, of just really casting off women, um, when they're deemed no longer, you [00:19:00] know, useful.
Carla: Is that reproductive? Like what, what is that? But that, you know, that's in large part that, but you know, at the same time there are other cultures that really view, um, women in aging as like this portal into something really powerful. So I mentioned earlier this second spring, so this comes from the TAUs tradition and when a woman goes into menopause, um, she said to be moving into her second spring.
Carla: So beautiful. The idea being that sexual energy, which is the most powerful energy that a woman has, which you know is in her womb or her womb space, instead of losing that energy monthly through menstruation, um, that energy gets rec channelled into the body. So it's available to the heart, it's available to her mind, it's available to her life.
Carla: That powerful energy is just becomes, like, amplified. So instead of losing it and having to recreate it every month, it basically just grows and grows exponentially. So, um, that is a beautiful [00:20:00] reframe and, uh, that sexual energy, you know, of course our hormones change, so that can affect, you know, it can affect desire, it can affect.
Carla: Um, libido, lubrication. Those are, those are real things. And yet as we learn to, if we choose to, to learn how to harness that sexual energy in new ways, our desire and our libido can actually really increase. There are many women who are in their sixties and seventies saying that they're having the best sex of their lives, and this is because of this rechanneling of sexual energy.
Carla: So I want all your listeners to know is like. The decline narrative, it's total bullshit. Um, it is just not true. Uh, absolutely there are things happening to your body. There can be challenges. The, the transition perimenopause is really hard. I can tell you once you get on the other side of menopause, it gets easier.
Carla: But that, you know, decade of all of the craziness happening in your body, [00:21:00] um, it is really difficult. But it doesn't, it doesn't stay like that. And there's many things you could do to make that transition easier. But once you hit menopause, it's like there is such a renewed sense of, um, like power and purpose and that connection, like potential connection if you choose to, to really harness your sexual energy in a way that you never had the possibility to do before, that should be really, really exciting.
Carla: That's the narrative that I wish we were sharing with women, that it's just like, it just keeps getting better. You are stepping into like the most incredible chapter of your life. Um, and yeah, this should be something that, you know, all girls, women should really know and feel like excited about that this is what's waiting free.
Ellecia: Yeah. Yeah. I wish they did actually. I hear entirely too many women who are like, cool, I'm done. I don't have to do that anymore. And I'm like, why would you not want to? Why don't you [00:22:00] wanna do things that feel good? And I think the answer is the things they were doing weren't feeling good. Yeah.
Ellecia: Unfortunately, uh, you, you have been clear that pleasure is, is essential and not just nice to have. And I'm curious, how does prioritizing pleasure shift things for, for people where, uh, like. Um, especially non-monogamous folks, like where desire and inti intimacy might be stretched in multiple, multiple directions.
Ellecia: Mm-hmm. Uh, how does, how does prioritizing pleasure shift things?
Carla: Well, I think pleasure is, it is like, just really like the elixir of life and, um, women especially choose stress over pleasure consistently. And again, this might be biological, uh, there might be just some hard wiring there. And we're also, you know, beings that have this incredible [00:23:00] consciousness and capacity for choice, so we could choose differently.
Carla: Right? And so the first thing is just actually noticing whether you have a pattern of, uh, pushing away pleasure in your life, in favor of stress, of not so pleasurable things. So that, that's really the first piece of like, oh, okay, there's, there's a pattern here. And, you know, a desire to shift it of course and pleasure is really, uh, I think there's a tendency to equate it with sexual pleasure, which of course, sexual pleasure is incredible, but pleasure can be so many things, right?
Carla: Pleasure can be standing on the grass in your bare feet, in the sunshine. Um, one of the things like, um, I didn't coin this term. I, I'm forgetting who coined it, but, uh, somebody coined the term slices of joy. So one of my slices of joy is just like the hot water running down my face in the shower and just taking a few breaths there, or savoring the first bite of food in the day.
Carla: Or, you know, like there's infinite number of things that you can do, [00:24:00] um, but you have to really drop into them and, and be really purposeful about it, right? Because you could be in the shower thinking about your to-do list and then, you know, rushing. Or you could take 30 seconds and drop into. The, like really incredible sensation in your body of just feeling that moment and being present in it.
Carla: Right? So pleasure and presence are very intimately connected and in our very fast paced world that is constantly taking our attention elsewhere. Um, we have to be really intentional and mindful about seeking, seeking pleasure in, in, um, in moments like throughout the day and. So when we do that, when we're more intentional about pleasure of all kinds, um, then this starts to build up our reserves.
Carla: It's like pleasure fuel oxytocin. So oxytocin we know is like the love hormone, [00:25:00] the bonding hormone. Mm-hmm. But did you know that oxytocin has a half life? Which means how long it lasts in the body of two to three minutes. It's not very long, right? No. No, it's not very long. Wow. And so we have, yeah, so we have to be really intentional to weave pleasure throughout our day.
Carla: So we're getting like those hits of oxytocin throughout the day and that is basically filling our bucket. Um, that will reduce cortisol. It also reduces, we didn't really talk about metabolism, but it also reduces insulin resistance, which is a huge, has a huge impact on women in midlife, um, in terms of our desire and our libido.
Carla: Then of course it also helps regulate our sex hormones. So even in the stormy seas of perimenopause, all of these moments of pleasure are really helping to cascade and regulate all of the hormones that happen downstream of that. So then to also answer your question about, you know, partnerships like Dom monogamous partnerships.
Carla: Um. [00:26:00] Sometimes people who are living a non-monogamous lifestyle can feel stretched thin a little bit in terms of like all of the different connections and the the need, um, you know, to be present and, and you know, those heart threads connected and all of those pieces. So, you know, I would say that in any situation where there feels like, um, the possibility of introducing layers of stress.
Carla: Then we have to be more mindful about tapping into pleasure, right? Yes. And it only takes a moment. It only takes a moment. So it's like, how can I, how can I have like slices of joy throughout my day? And then another practice I really encourage people to do, and this is a beautiful thing to do with, you know, your partner, your partners, is just checking at the end of the day, like, what were your top five pleasure moments today?
Carla: And reflecting back. And as you do that, you create more oxytocin and you like relive the pleasure, right? Yeah. And then in that [00:27:00] conversation with somebody, you know, we could do it over text. You can have a, you know, a verbal conversation. You start to learn about what it is that that person likes and desires.
Carla: So then we circle back to the whole piece we were talking about earlier, which is like, what do you like? What do you want? Yeah. Yes. So that feeds into that and helps, you know, create that dynamic of. Each of you providing the other what, what they need.
Ellecia: That is brilliant. That is really brilliant. I've learned so much about myself from reflections from my partner where I'm like, I had no idea I did that or I liked that.
Ellecia: And he is like, yeah, this is a thing I've noticed about you. Like, oh, my mind blown. I didn't know that about me. So this is brilliant. Is there anything. I haven't asked you that you want to share?
Carla: Um, I think what I would love to share, I, I, you know, I just referenced it a moment ago about the, the metabolism piece because I think that, [00:28:00] yeah.
Carla: Um, this becomes really, really important for women. Uh, you know, 40 plus. I mean, it's important for, for everybody, regardless of your age. But, um, you know, we can really, um, struggle with. Our metabolic health in this phase of life and beyond. And so because things are shifting within our bodies, we have to be really mindful to, uh, pri start to prioritize lifestyle, right?
Carla: So what I mean by lifestyle is like, what are we eating? How's your gut doing? Do you need to detoxify your liver? Um, creating lots of oxytocin, rich moments, pleasure. All of these pieces we have to start. Really prioritizing our health and wellness so that if we have this vision of ourselves when we're aging or getting older, of having like a super vibrant life, like a juicy sex life and feeling [00:29:00] like incredibly connected.
Carla: Like I love this term of like just being turned on by life, right? So that's partly sexual, but it's also just feeling really connected.
Ellecia: Yeah. You
Carla: know, to life around you. If we want to have that, we have to take care of the vessel, right? Mm-hmm. And so taking care of our health is, you know, it becomes something that becomes harder to put off.
Carla: In our twenties, we can, you know, I'm, we've all did it like, you know, we might've eaten garbage and. We went out until whatever hours and function on a little sleep, all of those things. But we all know that we kind of hit a point, um, you know, as the decades pass that, that we can't do that anymore. And so I guess like my PSA is to just really encourage men and women to really start to take their health seriously.
Carla: And it has such incredible, like, such incredible cascade effects in terms of. Like pleasure and intimacy and connection that, you know, the, the effort that is put in, I think, [00:30:00] pays off in massive, you know, massive dividends in, in the ways that I think people really want to experience in their lives, right?
Carla: Through, through like heartfelt connections and having wonderful sex and intimacy and feeling really excited about life and all of these pieces. But we can't forget the vessel. The vessel really needs our attention.
Ellecia: Yeah. Yeah. It's so important and we tend to be pretty cut off from it and just try thinking and loing our way through everything.
Ellecia: But your brain's not gonna work, right? If taking care of the body.
Carla: Yep. No, no. It's like we've been gifted with this incredible brain that can think and create in all of these things, but um, they're, you know, we tend to separate ourselves from the body for sure. Yeah.
Ellecia: Yeah. Big time. Big time. Uh, okay. I wanna do a, uh, uh, rapid fire, uh, questions, couple of questions for you that are [00:31:00] like, more like, um, quick little answers.
Ellecia: How does that sound? Okay, sure. Cool. So, um, let's start with, uh, one word to describe midlife desire
Carla: variable.
Ellecia: Hmm. If pleasure. If pleasure was a vitamin, what form would it come in? A pill shot? Gummy patch.
Carla: Oh. Oh. I think it would be like in some Really, no, it can't be. It's gotta be something that you taste.
Carla: So I don't know. I'm thinking like some really delicious drink.
Ellecia: Yeah. Maybe a gummy. Yeah, that's what I was like, yeah, like a pill is like, maybe it's chocolate a like a, like a microdose chocolate.
Carla: There you go. I like, that's, that's the, the answer. Mm-hmm.
Ellecia: Um, non-sexual pleasure. That always lights you up.
Carla: Oh, I am.
Carla: Like, I, walking barefoot in the forest is my jam. I do that for about an hour every day.
Ellecia: Yeah.
Carla: [00:32:00] That is like my thing until it snows. That's
Ellecia: amazing.
Carla: Yes.
Ellecia: Mm-hmm. Oh, good. Yes. Hormones in midlife, like a frenemy, a trickster, a wise elder. The caterpillar transitioning to the butterfly. Mm Gosh. As when you said caterpillar, I pictured, uh, the caterpillar with the hookah and Alice in Wonderland.
Carla: I was a little bit of that too. Also.
Ellecia: Uh, if you had to rename midlife, what would you call it?
Carla: The enc Chara.
Ellecia: Mm. I like that.
Carla: Mm-hmm.
Ellecia: I know mid life's kind of,
Carla: eh, but you
Ellecia: know, right.
Carla: Hey, CHRA
Ellecia: boundaries. More like a velvet rope or an electric fence.
Carla: Oh, you want it to be like a velvet rope? That's the goal. Mm, yeah.
Carla: Mm-hmm. That is the goal. Mm-hmm. It, it doesn't always come across that way, but if we're, if we're skilled in open and, yeah. [00:33:00] Velvet.
Ellecia: I love that. I love that. Okay, last one, one myth about women in midlife that you'd love to torch forever.
Carla: Oh that did that. It's the decline like that. It's, you know, the best years have gone by you.
Carla: Like nothing could be further from the truth. It's the, it's the portal to an awakening. I love that. That's so good.
Ellecia: I love
Carla: that.
Ellecia: Um, amazing. And listeners who are curious, how can they find you and your work?
Carla: So, um, I would love for listeners to check out something I've created called The Vibrancy Guide.
Carla: And so you can find that@vibrancyreset.com. And that is really about, you know. Taking care of this incredible vessel. So through pleasure, through lifestyle, all of these pieces, it's all doable. It's all, um, you know, that titration that I was talking about?
Ellecia: Yeah.
Carla: And um, if you [00:34:00] go to vibrancy reset.com, you'll find me there.
Carla: And, um, I'd love to hear from you if you're interested in connecting. I love that so much. Thank you.
Ellecia: So I have one more, um, segment that it doesn't go on, the main podcast, but is for our, um, supporters at Patreon, uh, patreon.com/not monogamous. Uh, and the segment is called Just the Tip, and it's what is a favorite or best sex tip that you would give, uh, to the listeners listening.
Ellecia: Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. Thank you
Carla: so much for coming on. This was so fun. Ah, I had a great time. I just smiling ear tears. It's been wonderful. Thank you. Thank
Ellecia: you. Okay, I don't know about you, but I am officially rebranding Menopause in my [00:35:00] Brain as the portal to Awakening. Carla, thank you so much for bringing, uh, your wisdom and your honesty and your pleasure medicine to the table today.
Ellecia: And also we just recorded Carla's just the tip segment, which is spicy and so, so good. And if you didn't hear it, that's because it lives over on Patreon at patreon.com/not monogamous. So head over there and become one of my friends with benefits. If you loved the conversation, if you loved this episode, let us know.
Ellecia: Leave a review, drop a comment, share this episode with someone who's questioning their own relationship script. Seriously, your reviews, help more people find the show and also feed my ego a little bit. So, uh, go do that. And if you want links to, if you want the link to Carla's Vibrancy Guide or to connect with me about coaching, you'll find those in the show notes.
Ellecia: Thanks so much for listening. [00:36:00] Bye.