The Taboo Side of Non-Monogamy: Pleasure, Healing, and Desire with Sharon Marie Scott
What if the desires you’re most afraid to admit are actually the key to your freedom? What if the parts of you you’ve labeled as “too much,” “too weird,” or “too taboo” are the exact places your healing has been waiting for you to look?
In this intimate conversation, I sit down with Sharon Marie Scott, Erotic Mystic, author of Forbidden Alchemy, and longtime educator in kink, conscious relating, and ethical non-monogamy. Sharon’s work bridges mysticism, sensual embodiment, psychology, and the sacred-erotic arts… and this episode goes deep in the best possible ways.
We explore the intersections of taboo, desire, jealousy, sovereignty, trauma healing, and erotic awakening, especially within the context of non-monogamy. Sharon shares her journey from early monogamy to swinging, polyamory, kink, and ultimately a full spiritual and sensual awakening. She brings a level of clarity, honesty, and grounded erotic wisdom that you can feel in your body while listening.
If you’ve ever wrestled with jealousy, judged your own desires, struggled with people-pleasing, or felt confused about what pleasure even looks like when you’ve lived most of your life in survival mode… this episode is going to be a revelation.
Find Sharon’s work, writing, and upcoming events at:
sharonmariescott.com or https://substack.com/@sharonmariescott
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TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00] Ellecia: Do you ever feel that little spark inside you that says there's more, like, more desire, more liveness, more of you that wants to be seen, and then you immediately think, oh no, I can't win that. Mm-hmm. That's too much. That's too taboo. That's gonna make me sound like a walking red flag. Yeah. This episode's for you.
[00:00:23] Ellecia: Welcome back to, Nope, we're not monogamous. I'm your non-monogamy coach and host Ellecia Paine. Today I gotta sit down with someone that I've been dying to talk to. Sharon Marie Scott, Erotic mystic, author, spiritual innovator, and honestly, one of the most grounded, disarming, pleasure forward humans that I've had the joy of interviewing and we go all over the place.
[00:00:44] Ellecia: Pleasure as technology healing through the taboo, the wild edges of desire, childhood wounds that hijack our relationships, erotic sovereignty, conscious kink. Why jealousy and arousal sometimes feel confusingly similar. [00:01:00] And why so many of us are still trying to logic our way through feelings that actually just need softness and sensation.
[00:01:07] Ellecia: This conversation gets really honest, really vulnerable. It's yummy. It's uh, like a permission slip to stop shrinking and listen to what your body's been trying to tell you all along. And like a quick reminder before we get started, uh. Patreon subscribers get our bonus segment called Just the Tip, where Sharon Marie shares her favorite sex tip that basically blew my mind.
[00:01:31] Ellecia: I love it. So if you're not in there yet, go, go join patreon.com/not monogamous, and you'll get all the unfiltered extras. Enjoy. Let's do this. So, uh, first I wanna start by welcoming you to, Nope, we're not monogamous. I'm really excited to have you here and chat with you. Um, would you tell the listeners just a little bit
[00:01:59] Ellecia: about who you are?
[00:01:59] Sharon: [00:02:00] Yeah. I am an erotic mystic and author and spiritual innovator. And what erotic mystic means is that I have my, uh, relationship to the divine through my body and through sensation. Through pleasure as opposed to like a typical mystic, which is more like a monk-like existence and they think of spirituality as being separate from the body and they, they deprive themselves of luxury and joy and pleasure and sensation.
[00:02:27] Sharon: So yeah, erotic, mystic and an author I used to write for comic books and video games and film and fiction. And uh, also, um, was a leader and educator in the kink and BDSM and alternative lifestyles communities for quite a long time and used to host. Conversations and discussion groups on ethical non-monogamy.
[00:02:46] Sharon: So I have like a great, a really great and varied background.
[00:02:52] Ellecia: Yeah, that is fantastic. I love, uh, I love erotic mystic, that, that's hot.
[00:02:59] Sharon: Thanks. [00:03:00] Yeah, it feels really good too because I really believe that, you know, part of the conversation I'm sure we're gonna have today is that pleasure is so many things.
[00:03:07] Sharon: Pleasure is a healing modality. It is the way the divine speaks to the body. It is a technology. It is a compass to your, to live your best life, you know? And so, you know, at some point in our history, somebody got scared of the power of pleasure. Systematically stripped it out of our, of the way we live life.
[00:03:30] Sharon: And I really, I'm leading a movement that I'm calling the Pleasure Renaissance, which is about restoring pleasure back to like the forefront of the lens by which we live and thrive in our lives. Instead of this sort of like survival and competition and comparison sort of point of view that we tend to live as a society now.
[00:03:52] Ellecia: Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's, uh, so. Um, that really speaks to me. Um, I am always telling my [00:04:00] clients to go to pleasure because it's such a great, uh, like alchemizer. It's such a, like, the fastest way I know to get out of the bad feelings and feel the good feelings is to feel good. I agree.
[00:04:12] Ellecia: And it, it can heal.
[00:04:13]Sharon: Like you can self-pleasure your way through trauma. You can fuck your way through the integration process after the healing takes place. I totally agree. It's just for me, it's like, it's kind of the answer to everything. And of course for me, pleasure doesn't just mean the physical body, but it also means whatever makes you feel alive.
[00:04:30] Ellecia: You know, beauty and art and so many, like just goosebumps, you know, is pleasure for me. It doesn't have to be all, you know, genital touch and all of that. Absolutely.
[00:04:38] Ellecia: Although, thank you for that. I'm so glad we have that. Right. Yes, please. Thank you. Let me not downplay the physical pleasure.
[00:04:53] Ellecia: Exactly, exactly.
[00:04:55] Ellecia: So, um, let me ask so many questions for you, but I'm, I am [00:05:00] curious since, uh, since we're, Nope, we're not. What is your, um. Relationship to monogamy or
[00:05:08] Ellecia: non-monogamy? Sure. I am married pretty young. I was 21 when I got married, uh, and had a baby already 10 weeks old, and my husband and I were monogamous for, we were married for a total of 27 years.
[00:05:23] Ellecia: We were monogamous for 12, and what happened was we both, we met at the Renaissance, we were like street actors at the Renaissance Fair, and we had other friends and it's a very flirtatious environment as some know, and. This 12 years in, I happened to reconnect with an old lover from Refa on Facebook, and he was getting married.
[00:05:43] Ellecia: And so my, you know, he was a mutual friend of ours. And so he invited us to the wedding and we went to the wedding and of course it was like filled with old Renaissance fair friends. So again, an environment that was very flirtatious. And, um, his wife got to meet his wife, uh, who was very flirtatious with me, but again, [00:06:00] like wasn't that uncommon.
[00:06:01] Ellecia: So I didn't think too much about it. But I have to say, this particular person that I reconnected with, the old flame, he was like that guy that I kind of like just set up anything that I wanted. So it's like if I wanted to have a threesome with two girls, he'd set it up. It's not two guys, he would set it up.
[00:06:16] Ellecia: So he was like, my pimp came to like, you know, whatever my desires were at the time. So. Went to the wedding, clearly a lot of chemistry between me and him and his wife too. And they started to invite my husband and I out to social things. And at the time my husband was really building our first business and so he went to a couple of them, but kind of said like, Hey, I really need to bow out of this.
[00:06:36] Ellecia: You know, it's a long way and I don't really have the time. And, and so it was, it was kind of the first time we came from a very codependent style. Relating and it was the first time and I said, Hey, what would you think if I went anyway? And he's like, yeah, go. I'm doing this. Go have fun. Go be happy. And so I started to spend more time with the two of them and over, over that, of course there was a lot of flirtation and eventually they asked me out on a [00:07:00] date.
[00:07:01] Ellecia: And, uh, believe it or not, like I was like, I don't get it. Like I got it in the context of us being single or whatever, but now we're both married and like, I don't, I don't get it. Like, I was like, hold that thought and let me go talk to Matt, my husband. And so I brought it home to him and I said, Hey, you know, they asked me out on a date and he's like.
[00:07:22] Ellecia: You know, you could do that if you really wanted to. And I was like, what? Like, tell, tell me more like then. And, and he went on to tell me about watching the relationship with his parents and when they divorced and even after the divorce, they sometimes lived together but were non-romantic or they didn't live together and they were romantic and you watched them have this lifelong friendship.
[00:07:46] Ellecia: Happened with his mother and my father that that moved in and out of its physical intimacy and beyond that, he said, and I just think it's unreasonable to think that one person can be everything to another person. [00:08:00] And that really struck me. I had never heard that thought before. Ultimately I had his blessing and I went on that first date and I was so sick from fear, like I was so nauseous during, and there's other reasons for that.
[00:08:13] Ellecia: There's like a lot of shame to that I had to peel away about sex and other things, but. But I did still have a really wonderful date. They were so loving and kind to be in my fear. And then we had a really fun time and went home and then told my husband about it and then had another fun time, you know, in, in his response.
[00:08:32] Ellecia: And it kind of, that's how it opened up. So it opened up into this relationship that we had really just with this one couple and their boyfriend for about two and a half years. And then there was a reason that we needed to split. We needed to transition that relationship. There was some addiction on the other side, and as we were transitioning out of that intimacy, we were kind of being held through the grieving process by some friends who were swingers because we could talk about it really openly with them.[00:09:00]
[00:09:00] Ellecia: And, and they essentially seduced us into the swinging community. Not so much like, like the community at large. That was a little bit harder, again, with all of the sexual hangups and stuff that I had at that time. But, uh, but really within, in their little like, travel group of, of swingers. And so we got invited into this, like with us, it was like maybe 11 people.
[00:09:20] Ellecia: And we, we had that, we nurtured that for a while and then eventually opened up into more polyamory and into kink. Then for me, spiritual awakening five years ago. So that's kind of the journey for me.
[00:09:33] Ellecia: Wow. I love that so much. What a like natural progression. Just like, oh, here's, here's the things that are now available to me.
[00:09:44] Ellecia: Yeah, that's exactly
[00:09:45] Ellecia: what it was. Just saying. Yes. You know, just saying yes to the things being offered to you. I love.
[00:09:51] Ellecia: Oh, I love that so much. In, in that, uh, opening up process, was there anything [00:10:00] that, like, what, what was the, what, what was there, were there any challenges? Like what, was there anything really hard you said, um, that you were feeling, um, scared and nervous, but was, was there anything that, uh.
[00:10:10] Ellecia: Surprise you. Yeah, and like from a relationship standpoint, like for sure, like I was the one asking and, and desiring, you know, more, more of everything, more life, more pleasure, more, more everything. And. I was also the one with the, with the largest journey to go on with regards to, um, feeling the, you know, core wounds of rejection and abandonment and unworthiness.
[00:10:33] Ellecia: And I remember even like the white knuckling that took place. I remember, I remember a couple of moments. One was, I remember one moment. I'm, I'm assuming we can get really explicit. On this recording. Okay. So I re Yeah, absolutely. I remember absolutely with just the first couple I remember thinking, uh, 'cause at that time I wasn't that into swallowing, but she was, and so I remember, like at first I was, I had to bring my husband in on that, by the way.
[00:10:56] Ellecia: I had brought him like, it was just me for like a couple of months. And then I [00:11:00] think my guilt, like I just, I really, and plus the other partner didn't like K Lingus that my husband did, and then she liked to swallow and I didn't. So I was like, oh, we gotta do that. We gotta bring all that together. We did, and every, but I remember having the thought out loud.
[00:11:14] Ellecia: I heard myself say out loud, something like, well, I'm, I'm afraid that he'll love her more because she swallows. And I was like, I just said that and I heard myself say it. And that's when I realized like.
[00:11:26] Ellecia: When, who is
[00:11:27] Ellecia: that even, where is that voice even coming from? Like, it's clearly some sort of wounded earlier version of me that had that kind of worry.
[00:11:34] Ellecia: So that was, that was one of them. Another one was like later, um, as we moved a little more into the kink and, and we were more into polyamory. I remember him being so excited about a date with his submissive that he was gonna have. And I, of course, my, my whole nervous system would react to his, his happiness.
[00:11:51] Ellecia: And I was like, I don't, I didn't want that. I didn't want to have a contracted reaction. To his joy. Like I wanted to feel happy for him. And, [00:12:00] and so again, I was like, who is that? What is who, what is the version of me that's having that reaction? And I remember white knuckling this, and even now it's like, it's, it's, there's no process anymore.
[00:12:12] Ellecia: It's, it's automatic for me now. But back then I remember, like, I remember had to think, okay, well if he was going out to gamble with the guys, I would be so happy for him. Because it's this woman I'm choosing to make it hard for myself. And so I remember like this, this really slow at the time process was acknowledge that I was having a moment and then bring back mm-hmm.
[00:12:36] Ellecia: In the memory of him going out with the guys to go gambling and being so happy. 'cause he worked, he was such an overwork. And so I, and then bringing all of those memories, like the sense memories back of feeling really happy and excited for him. And so it was like a really slow process originally of like.
[00:12:51] Ellecia: Changing the way that my body, my nervous system was responding. I didn't even have this language back then. We didn't even say nervous system back then. And now everybody knows what it's, but, but it was slow. Yeah. And then of [00:13:00] course, that process, that the process from one end to the other got quicker and quicker and quicker and quicker until eventually there's no process anymore.
[00:13:06] Ellecia: I just feel joyful and happy, you know, for my partners when they're happy. So I'd say those like those were big. Yeah, those were big hurdles to get through.
[00:13:15] Ellecia: Yeah. That, that's so freaking relatable. The white knuckling. I've done so much of it and, and very similarly, I was like. What, how? Like, what? Like, I would, I would remind myself what it feels like when I'm feeling really, really loved and desired.
[00:13:30] Ellecia: Like, oh, this is, this is how I feel. And I would just imagine my partner walking into the room wanting me. Mm. And like, oh, this feels so good. And I could hold onto it for like. Five seconds. Yep. And then I was spiraling again. Exactly. And then I could hold onto it for like 30 seconds, and then I was spiraling again, and it got easier.
[00:13:48] Ellecia: And it's like going to the gym, it got easier and easier. And then I was like, oh, I, all these feelings just come from within me.
[00:13:54] Ellecia: Huh?
[00:13:55] Ellecia: How do I hold onto '
[00:13:55] Ellecia: em the ones I want? Or, or, or for me, I was like, how do I choose, [00:14:00] instead of my nervousness in deciding for me how I'm gonna feel and giving me this reaction that I never asked for.
[00:14:05] Ellecia: How do I get in front of that response? How, and people would say, you can't pick your feelings and now being 54, now they're not right. That's not right. That's actually wrong. You can absolutely pick your feelings. There are, there's this procedure to like, again, like unraveling and untangling the, let's say the past, the early life wounding and stuff that comes in, that creates that response.
[00:14:27] Ellecia: But you a hundred percent can choose how you want to respond to the world around you emotionally.
[00:14:33] Ellecia: Absolutely. Oh, I love that so much. How, what, okay. Tell me this, you know, we talk about, um, like pleasure is, is a very healing, and I, I feel like probably the majority of people live are living life, like in survival mode.
[00:14:54] Ellecia: Um, so what does it look like to use pleasure for healing in a way that that [00:15:00] feels like people can do it? Yeah.
[00:15:02] Ellecia: There's a, there's levels to answering this question around pleasure, and I'll start with pleasure. Let's see. I'll start with pleasure as a technology. So I think that we all can agree that there, there's like, there's a sense that, that we have like a purpose in life or that we have a dharma that like some sort of thing that we're supposed to leave behind a story or a message or something we're supposed to leave behind to the world.
[00:15:25] Ellecia: So how do we know? When we're on the path for that, like, you know, there are, there are like workshops you can take now on like figuring out your purpose. Well, I think pleasure is the answer to that question. So I, I, I came from that history of, um, video games and I use video games as my context. So I believe that we live in a video game and that there are awakening is us discovering that we're not just the main player character, but we're the game designer too.
[00:15:49] Ellecia: And so then it's just about playing in the video game and playing with the controls and understanding. How the video game works, and so I think pleasure. It's like if you always have a choice between [00:16:00] a couple of things and you're always leaning toward what brings you pleasure, which for me is aliveness.
[00:16:05] Ellecia: What makes you feel the most alive? I believe that you will continue to awaken your consciousness. You'll figure out your dharma, you'll call in your highest timeline. I believe pleasure literally is like the cheat code for the video game, and then from the context of pleasure. In the body and pleasure as a healing modality and as an integration tool.
[00:16:27] Ellecia: There is, I don't know if you've read, um, David R. Hawkins work, but he does, uh, he has created the map of consciousness and he's come up with, um, muscle testing. So like when you can get yes and no answers from your body. So that's him and he created this chart of the, the map of consciousness. So it goes through like basic emotions and tells you essentially like what frequency they each have, and there's a chart and from, so from zero to a thousand.
[00:16:52] Ellecia: Everybody wants to say that like, love is the highest emotion you can feel and it's the most transformative, and then whatever, and, and love is important, but it's [00:17:00] only halfway through the scale. Guess what's above. Love, joy, pleasure, pleasure, ecstasy. Enlightenment. Yeah, so, so literally. Pleasure, literally is a stronger and more potent carrier wave for anything that you wanna create, including healing.
[00:17:19] Ellecia: So like if you wanna manifest things, that's sex magic, right? Pleasure. And there's a, that's a, I wanna say that's a crude way. There are much more refined and nuanced ways to use pleasure for manifestation, but sex magic is like an obvious one that people kind of get right away. So if you're daydreaming about that thing, you want.
[00:17:34] Ellecia: Or more, even better, how you feel if you'd already had it and you bring that feeling into your body and then you climax, it will bring you that manifestation faster and with more precision. So, so literally, you know, we're, we're talking, we're, we're talking about the truth. Like, pleasure can literally heal and bring you everything that you desire.
[00:17:54] Ellecia: And I believe that. I believe that the, you know, I say we are the God of the game. Our [00:18:00] body is the console, and our pleasures are the cheat codes. And I really believe our desires are the map, our desires, what we want. That's the direction our desire is. Or, um, pleasure is the arousal, but our desire specifically, what do we want that's us like starting to direct that arousal, that creation energy into what you know, whatever our next.
[00:18:21] Ellecia: And envisioned, um, highest timeline is, if that makes sense. Kind of lost a, I lost my clarity at the end there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
[00:18:32] Ellecia: yeah. No, this, this may, this, uh, yes, I agree. I agree with you. I, I wonder, I feel like a lot of people get lost in the, what do I even want? What do I eat? Like, like everybody is kind of stuck on, they're looking at the menu and going, I don't know, I guess I could have a Caesar salad, right?
[00:18:51] Ellecia: Like they, they, they're like, the menu's fine. I, you know, I'm hungry, so I'll eat what's here. And they have no idea that they can order off the menu that they, they, like, they can have their [00:19:00] heart's desires, that they can at least like start looking at what is possible. Yeah. Um, how do people find what they desire in order to then.
[00:19:08] Ellecia: Move in that direction, I think,
[00:19:10] Ellecia: I think there's a couple answers to that. One is to literally learn your body as a console. Like to literally ask your body. So there there are techniques. I had this little e guide I created years ago that how to get a yes or no from your body. And you can actually ask your body questions and it's like your body becomes a pendulum or becomes an oracle.
[00:19:26] Ellecia: I say I use often say like the body as oracle, so your body will answer you like this or that, and your body will have a response to that. You can even, this is a really fun little weird, esoteric thing, but you can write the, the options on pieces of paper, fold them up and mix them up so you don't know which is which.
[00:19:42] Ellecia: Lay them on. Put them on the floor. Then stand over each of the papers and your body will have a set of sensations about what is on that paper. And you can, again, if you start to play with the console, your body. You start to learn it's vernacular and it's speaking to you all the [00:20:00] time. And so, so part of the answer is to learn what, how your, what your body's saying to you.
[00:20:05] Ellecia: It's yes and no, or maybe it's not a yes or no, it's a, it's an excited response or a fear response, which is a different kind of yes and no. And then the other answer would probably be, I think just to start playing at your edge. You know, try foods that you have never tried before. You know, take a different route to wherever you're traveling to than you usually do.
[00:20:25] Ellecia: You know, push, push. Because often I found, or, or I think the most fun I've had on this journey of my life is like realizing that the, the boundary was right behind me. I already crossed it. I'm like, oh, there it was. But like if I hadn't done that, I'm always playing small. I'm always playing in this safe zone, and I really believe that pleasure is not the same as an absence of suffering or an absence of pain.
[00:20:53] Ellecia: Right. People get caught up in like this shadow work of like, I just wanna feel safe. Well, you [00:21:00] can't get to pleasure until you feel safe. It's true, but safety itself is not the same as pleasure. Safety is. I'm, my cup is finally full. Now. I finally feel, I feel, feel, ah, like I can take a breath, but pleasure is the, the, the geyser overflow.
[00:21:17] Ellecia: The fountain overflow of, of the cup. So. Yeah, pleasure is the answer to
[00:21:25] Ellecia: all of life's problems if you ask me.
[00:21:31] Ellecia: I'm so with you on that. Absolutely. You know, uh, I love that you talked about the, um, pain and pleasure because this is a thing I've tried explaining to people, uh, that I'm intimate with, right? Is like, I don't want pain. I don't like pain, however. The things that bring me pleasure, that might look like pain or might seem like they would be painful to someone else.[00:22:00]
[00:22:00] Ellecia: Feel like pleasure to me. Yes. Right. I'm like, is if I'm all up, I'm really turned on. I'm aroused. There's, there's, I, my, my pain threshold becomes a lot bigger. Yes. And it's not pain I want, but like sensational pleasure. Well, and it
[00:22:19] Ellecia: feels hard to explain. And what you're explaining is exactly how you can literally use pleasure to heal trauma, because again, the, the higher, I call it like your root, raising your root frequency or expanding your pleasure bandwidth, like the more pleasure you can hold, the more pain you can hold.
[00:22:36] Ellecia: And, and, and, and so if you start with pleasure and then. Like consciously, you can do this like proactive healing, where you bring you, you're self pleasuring, you're bringing your lip, your, your frequency up, your vibration up, and then you go to recall those painful moments. They're not gonna come across as the same because your, your pleasure bandwidth is so high.
[00:22:56] Ellecia: And they can be, they can be essentially, um, what's the [00:23:00] word I'm looking for? Like collapsed. Within the higher frequency, the lower frequency will be collapsed in the higher frequency. And what that means is you might have that memory of that traumatic thing, but it won't have that emotional charge. That it once had, but on a, but on a more like 3D answer, I remember having this really amazing massage on a hot date, and I don't think either of us expected it to be kind of a sadistic massage.
[00:23:24] Ellecia: I do have a masochist in me and that's, that's my brain turning sensation into pleasure without me trying to do anything. So like I have no nothing to do with that. Right. But this massage, he was going down my calves. It was really like, you know, on that love, on that real edge of the pain and pleasure.
[00:23:41] Ellecia: And I remember, and I also have had my kundalini awakening, so my body will move, you know, and kind of convulse in these CREs. And so my, I was doing that 'cause, right, especially when it's right at that edge. Like I cre, I, I, I convulse a lot, but I started to play with the story in my mind. So I was like, what if I [00:24:00] call it pain?
[00:24:01] Ellecia: What if I call it pleasure? And it, and it was like, how. How, how similar could I make them? Because they had just this slight nuanced set of sensations that were a little bit different when I called it pain versus when I called it pleasure. And I got to play with it for like 45 minutes during this massage.
[00:24:19] Ellecia: And he wasn't even that energetically inclined, but he could tell like he, he was intuitively moving with my body and holding it right at this right, this right edge. But I'll tell you. In the same way that we use shadow work for healing. Like they'll say like, Hey, just hold that emotion, you know, long enough.
[00:24:37] Ellecia: And then it clears, you know, and you feel expanded. You can do the same thing with pleasure. I, what I do now is I go reach for like, what's my pleasure edge? And I hold myself at that edge, which can be super intense and how, but how long can I hold myself there and find out what happens after that? So like that has now given me.
[00:24:59] Ellecia: [00:25:00] Essentially an overstimulation kink. So instead of edging like I, you know, I used to be like all about edging and then finally climaxing. Now I tip myself over as quickly as possible for on, and I sit at the other side of climax for as long as, as one until one of us drops. Like that's my favorite night.
[00:25:20] Ellecia: Mm-hmm.
[00:25:24] Ellecia: And that this weekend? Yep. Alright sister, you get me.
[00:25:29] Ellecia: So with you, that reminds me of, um, I do a lot of work with jealousy because I've always been a very jealous and possessive person. And, and that has been my biggest growth area in, in non-monogamy and relationships. And, um, I used pleasure to sh to shift a lot of the jealousy.
[00:25:51] Ellecia: And, um, in the same way you were talking about how, how, how you think about it, the story like, is this pain or pleasure? I would do the same thing, like, like feeling [00:26:00] anxious and jealous and insecure. Like in my body the physical sensations I experience are the exact same as when I'm turned on. And I was like, oh, if I change the story from, I'm anxious to, I am horny.
[00:26:16] Ellecia: It really like, it's a same physical sensations haven. I haven't heard that before. That's amazing. But my, it's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a whole talk on getting turned on by jealousy. Uh, because, because that shortened, like, God, I was so jealous for so long, and yet I wanted non-monogamy more than anything.
[00:26:38] Ellecia: Like I did not wanna be monogamous. And also I was like, well, it's not fair for me to be like, I'm not gonna be monogamous, but you have to be. I was like, I really have to figure this out. You reminds me of,
[00:26:48] Ellecia: so I went and masturbated about it a lot. That's another, I mean, that's it. You literally masturbated till it was gone.
[00:26:56] Ellecia: Wow. I'd love this story. Are you familiar with existential [00:27:00] kink, Carolyn Elliot? Yeah. Sounds a, sounds a little, a little bit like the general premise of that book.
[00:27:06] Ellecia: Yeah. Yeah, there's a little bit of that. And then, and, and, and the, uh, like the memory of feeling jealous, like I get that right. A similar experience will happen.
[00:27:16] Ellecia: My partner goes on a date or something, I'm like. Oh, I feel like I'm supposed to be jealous. Yeah. The mind, the habit. The mind habit
[00:27:24] Ellecia: as well. Oh, I can tell you, I can tell you some of my experience as a multidimensional healer. So after I had my, my spiritual awakening about five years ago, I did pivot out of writing comic books and video games and all those things into multidimensional healing.
[00:27:37] Ellecia: And I'll, you know, I can tell you that a common thread for women that were experiencing jealousy was, is a, is childhood early childhood wounding around abandonment. And, uh, and mm-hmm. And there are ways, you know, there are ways to sit, like, kind of like parts work. There's internal founding systems, there's all these psychological ways to sit through that.
[00:27:58] Ellecia: The soma to somatic [00:28:00] experiences was really key for me. Mm-hmm. And, and of course a combination of these ho pono, pono, but like, when you can identify. With love and compassion, the little girl who, who, you know, even, it doesn't even have to be anybody did anything wrong for her to have gotten a sense of abandonment.
[00:28:16] Ellecia: And so when I started to recognize her and allowed her to be present, I could start to give her that thing that, that unmet need that was missing for her, and that's what ultimately healed, you know, my jealousy, wound and entanglement over time as well.
[00:28:35] Ellecia: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done a lot of that. That is, it's so, so, so important.
[00:28:40] Ellecia: I remember, I, I tell a story about, um, I walked in on my, my two partners were, I knew they were having sex in the bedroom. They invited me and I walked in and I was like, whoa. Oh, this is terrible. I need a minute. And I went and sat on the couch. I was like, what's going on? And it felt like when I was 11 and my two best friends went and had a sleepover without me.
[00:28:57] Ellecia: Me, yeah. The exact same thing was [00:29:00] happening. They don't wanna be my friend anymore. And I was like, oh, I'm not, oh babe, you're not 11.
[00:29:06] Ellecia: Yeah. Very real.
[00:29:07] Ellecia: You can't call your mom about this. We, we, we talk about, I'm sure you've heard like the body keeps the score right, but, but I wanna remind people that the body keeps the score on all of the pleasure.
[00:29:18] Ellecia: And, and delight and ecstasy too. Like, so, so in the same way that we're talking about the way that we kind of white knuckled bringing in other memories to, let's say, um, uh, replace the ones that were the hard ones that were coming up. You know, it's a, it's a, it's a super skill. It's a super power. For you to go, wait a minute.
[00:29:39] Ellecia: I can close my eyes and recall a moment of ecstasy or a moment of beauty, or a moment of, um, comfort and that can take over what's currently happening in the nervous system. It's such a great reminder.
[00:29:54] Ellecia: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And we do need the reminder. Yeah. All the speech. Yeah.
[00:29:57] Ellecia: Because, because when we, when that, that [00:30:00] version comes up, we're now five again, or six again, and we don't even, like, a lot of people don't even realize that, that when they're having that moment of reactivity, they're actually con, they're reverting back to like being five and six.
[00:30:10] Ellecia: And that's why they. They can't get their head around it or they can't say no, or, you know, they can't, they can't use their voice and their voice suddenly when, when normally they're like a super bold and confident woman and then suddenly they found themselves stuck in the voice. It's because an early version of them are is, is what's, you know, coming up.
[00:30:28] Ellecia: It happens in submission too, as a submissive a lot.
[00:30:32] Ellecia: I think a lot of people. In non-monogamous, I mean, people, but people in non-monogamous relationships get in this kinda loop of like, I shouldn't feel this way. I, I should be feeling Compersion, I should be feeling good about this. Right. And, uh, and they're like trying to, to outgrow or outsmart their emotions.
[00:30:54] Ellecia: Mm-hmm. They're just trying to like logic their way out of how they're feeling. Yeah. [00:31:00] And I and, and it and, and it sounds like you're, you really have like this, this really powerful, um, information that, that people can use. Yeah. I think to feel the way they wanna feel. Yeah. I think there's two
[00:31:12] Ellecia: things that are important to say.
[00:31:13] Ellecia: One is, it's one thing to say shoulds, right? And you're right that you should wipe that language out. But it's another to say yes, but I want to feel a certain way. Like I, I recognized like that something else was happening, that I wasn't choosing like that. All of that turmoil that I went through when my husband was started to really date other women, especially as we moved into Mor Poly.
[00:31:34] Ellecia: Situations like I was like, God, this feels terrible. I don't want to feel terrible. And so it wasn't, you're right that I probably originally had like that early, the early wording of, of like, I should feel this way. But it came from a place of wanting to feel that light, like legitimately just wanting to be, I didn't wanna just feel like okay or tolerating of his dates.
[00:31:54] Ellecia: I wanted to feel excited and celebratory of his happiness. And so, but I, [00:32:00] but it does take again, like. There's a voice in them that's talking about the shoulds. And that's, that's yet another like fragmented piece of you that's judging you from the inside out for even having the emotion. And like, this is the battle inside of like our, our masculine and our feminine.
[00:32:15] Ellecia: Our feminine has feelings, jealousy, abandonment, whatever, fear. It's always, you know, it's something around fear. And then we have our inner masculine criticizing our ourselves. Or trying to talk ourselves out of even having that feeling. And so the journey that I've been on has been the slow untangling of all of that and being kinder to like, oh, instead of saying, instead of criticizing myself for having emotions or jealousy, I say, oh, of course you feel that way.
[00:32:42] Ellecia: I acknowledge and, and, and make it more, more, not, not even like celebratory, but not, not celebratory. Certainly compa more compassionate. Of course you feel that way because you have experiences in your early life that no one stepped you through that were emotionally overwhelming. And so of course you have [00:33:00] that response and like, and even thanking them, like thanking this younger version of yourself and saying, thank you for showing me that.
[00:33:06] Ellecia: Because if I didn't know about it, if it didn't come up, I wouldn't know that I have that to clear and resolve and heal for myself. So I really like, I really, I feel grateful. For the early versions of me that came up with these very clever ways to try to protect me from feeling pain again. Yeah. They don't work for me as an adult, you know, I wanna have control over those now.
[00:33:26] Ellecia: But the process of getting there is being super compassionate about each of these like fragmented pieces of ourself that have been trying to protect us all this time from future pain that we experienced in the past. Yes,
[00:33:39] Ellecia: yes, yes. That is, that is exactly the thing. The more we like, try to push it away and go, don't feel like that, it just gets louder.
[00:33:47] Ellecia: Yeah. And because you're,
[00:33:48] Ellecia: because you're literally rejecting that piece of yourself. And so again, and some people will go, I just, well, you know, I just want her to get over it, like themselves. And like, again, if they think of it as like a, a piece of [00:34:00] themself, you know. How would you choose to ch to speak to yourself differently?
[00:34:04] Ellecia: How would you choose? What does she need? The voice that's saying that thing needs something. And it doesn't mean that you have to go get it from outside of yourself, by the way. 'cause that's when we get into the trap of the codependence. Or like, part of the reason why I, I love seeing the communities like these communities now is there is so much different.
[00:34:20] Ellecia: They have way better emotional literacy and language than we ever had. Like if I had gone to my husband about my feelings and I did, there were times I did and there were times I didn't. For him. My feelings were instructions. That's the, that's the textbook codependent response. And it was, and and it was a cycle.
[00:34:38] Ellecia: We didn't even know we were supposed, we needed to get out of until we did. Right. Until I started to be like, wow, that feels like I'm putting something on him that really isn't his to carry, you know, especially 'cause he didn't, he didn't crate the wound to begin with. So again, unraveling and, and unwinding.
[00:34:53] Ellecia: I remember we were married 24 of about 27 years and he was dating. A woman [00:35:00] and he wanted to do certain kinds of play with her that I had been asking for, and he didn't wanna give to me. He didn't wanna do that kind of play with me, and he did wanna do it with her. So it was really hard for me to like, be okay with that.
[00:35:13] Ellecia: But I also realized that I, that he, I wasn't entitled even at 24 years in, I wasn't entitled. For this play to be my play with him when he really wanted it with somebody else. And I, and I was like on this little, like I went into the little whirlpool again of like moaning about my fears or whatever and he stopped me and he said, do you know how much it hurts my feelings that after 24 years together you still talk like I'm gonna leave you?
[00:35:43] Ellecia: And I was like, fuck, he's right. Like it really hit me. And I'm like, this is my work. This is my work. And ultimately we did divorce, right? Like three years later we divorced, but that wasn't, uh, it, but it wasn't specifically related to any of that. It was actually our kink, our kinks really [00:36:00] took us in different directions, and that's not bad.
[00:36:02] Ellecia: It, we were, we became more and more of ourselves. Through our kink journeys and just the natural, the natural way that those paths went were more away from each other than they were toward each other. And so we, I, we neither, you know, it was an, it was an amicable divorce. We mediated, you know, we're still, we have two adult children and he's remarried and she's awesome and, you know, all that is what it is.
[00:36:26] Ellecia: But, but we're both happier. Like, and that's what we want for each other. We want each other to be as happy and in our, in our best. I love that. Living our best life. That we can.
[00:36:37] Ellecia: Yeah, I love that. I, I I love that so much. I, I, people get so. Caught up about divorce and I'm like, there's no bad divorce. Why does anybody wanna be married to someone that doesn't wanna be married enough?
[00:36:48] Ellecia: Yeah. And and it wasn't. And it was really more like
[00:36:50] Ellecia: we weren't, we weren't, we were living separately. He was living with a girlfriend. I was living by myself. But that's when things got a little complicated. 'cause I took a sabbatical to heal my wounding and I got and got out of video [00:37:00] games and, and then, and then it was like, well we do, you know, I realize now.
[00:37:04] Ellecia: Marriage is a business contract and we had six businesses that we were Yeah. You know, co-creating and managing, and that was really why it was really time to divorce in order to finally separate the assets and the things that we did have between us so we could feel more freedom to make decisions in our own businesses and stuff and move on without worrying about how it impacted the other.
[00:37:25] Ellecia: Or, or, or created a liability for the other, that kind of thing.
[00:37:31] Ellecia: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. That was so good. What, what I'm, I'm curious, I wanna make sure I hit on this. When, when a person, when people turn towards the things that they are afraid of wanting or the things that they, um, are afraid of in their, in their erotic lives, right?
[00:37:54] Ellecia: They start turning towards their desires. What happens on the other side of that? I'm [00:38:00]
[00:38:00] Ellecia: not sure I understand the question. So I think you're talking about the taboo, right? When people start
[00:38:04] Ellecia: Yes. To open up taboo to their taboo. Yes. When you say what
[00:38:07] Ellecia: happens on the other side, I'm not sure I fully understand the question.
[00:38:10] Ellecia: Yeah. What opens what? Um, okay. I see where you're going. So, yeah. And this, this, you know. Mm-hmm. I do have a book that came out, uh, uh, in early November, November 11th called Forbidden Alchemy. Transmuting Taboo into Erotic Medicine. And it is, it is all about what I'm calling the dark masculine and dark feminine.
[00:38:31] Ellecia: And, and the taboo are the things, like somebody asked me like, what, how do you define taboo? And it's so, it's so subjective, right? 'cause everyone has a different edge. As to what feels taboo to them. And so my definition of taboo is what is the thing that you feel afraid that you're gonna be judged by someone else for?
[00:38:52] Ellecia: Because that creates, again, a stirring in our nervous systems. But it, but just like you talked about, like that stirring, you can give it a [00:39:00] story. So either that stirring can be worry, embarrassment, fear, shame, or. You can, can transmute that story into celebration and excitement and juiciness. And so that's what's waiting.
[00:39:12] Ellecia: So I believe that taboo and with the taboo tends to come shame. I believe on the other side of shame is that juicy aliveness and you feeling more you than you've ever felt before. I mean, I, I don't know how to describe this, but it happened. I remember finally being in a particular relationship where. I felt so seen and he was so celebratory of my non-monogamy in particular that I, it's like I didn't really think I could really get somebody who would celebrate me like that completely.
[00:39:44] Ellecia: And I just, I don't know how to describe it except to say I felt more myself than I'd known was available to me to feel of myself. And so for me, the taboo has been my, my biggest teacher, and I believe it's the [00:40:00] most efficient way to get through your healing and expansion journey because you're going right to the bottom of the Jenga Tower, right to the core.
[00:40:09] Ellecia: Uh, pieces of wounding that make you judge yourself and make you hide pieces of yourself. And when you finally pull those blocks because you're, you're learning to celebrate them, instead, all of the coping mechanisms that have built on top of those blocks simply fall away. And again, I think that's probably what ultimately, you know, um, adds up to you feeling the most whole and like kind of bigger and brighter and more vibrant and more alive than before.
[00:40:40] Ellecia: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That when people ask, how are you so confident?
[00:40:47] Ellecia: It's that, yeah. Because again, it's that word, and I believe it comes from not shaming the self from the inside out, and again, not just tolerating those things. But celebrating yourself for those things, like I can [00:41:00] give a, a pretty controversial example, which is that I, for many, many, for most of my life, I hid and had a, an incest fetish.
[00:41:09] Ellecia: There are reasons for that. I, uh, I experienced sexual touch at five and six from two different people, both of which shouldn't have been touching me in those ways at that time. Now, neither of these experiences were violent, and in fact, my five and 6-year-old body experienced quite a lot of pleasure from the interactions.
[00:41:27] Ellecia: That's not to say that they weren't wrong. They certainly were. I couldn't, I couldn't have consented to what happened at the time in the age gap, you know, makes a difference. But. I learned because of through the secrecy of that I learned at five and six that my pleasure was something to feel ashamed about.
[00:41:42] Ellecia: It was something to keep a secret. And in fact, it was dangerous to be in my pleasure because it was going to bring me like, um, I'd be in trouble or someone, or, or that I would lose love and lose connection. And I did again, at five and six and keeping it a secret. I didn't know any better. And so as I became a sexually available [00:42:00] adult, when my body would get to get aroused.
[00:42:03] Ellecia: It would start shutting, it would shut down. And I didn't know that there was such a big disconnect on my body, what, what was happening in my body and, and what I really wanted. And, and it didn't only translate to my physical pleasure. It, it was like life in general. It was like, don't let life get too good.
[00:42:20] Ellecia: Don't, we would approach some sort of like joy or pleasure threshold, and I would subconsciously sabotage that pleasure because it felt like a threat to my safety. And so like it took decades just to be aware. That that was, that process was happening. And it was actually in the swinger community that I had this, uh, a husband that I was playing with who had a big crush on, and we were playing one day and he must have sensed something that I didn't even know I was, you know, emitting.
[00:42:49] Ellecia: And he, he was, he was on top and we were playing and he, he leans down into my ear and he says. Whatever it is you're holding onto whatever it is you're afraid of, like you [00:43:00] can let that go like you're safe here. And I started crying and like I wasn't, like, I wasn't a very emotional person back then. There are other reasons for that, but God bless him too.
[00:43:11] Ellecia: And anybody in kink knows this. He did not stop fucking me. When I started crying, it was perfect, the perfect thing because again, he's holding me at that edge without allowing me to collapse. And so we, you know, I, I got through the cry. We got through our play, and then we sat up and talked. And he's the one that was like, you know, something happens when your clothes come off.
[00:43:31] Ellecia: And he, he alerted me to this disconnect that was happening between what I wanted in my mind and what was happening in my body. And it sent me on a journey. That first took me to a sexologist, which was a brand new field of study. At that time, they only certified in San Francisco. And, and I went to see her and when she went to do the, the, the, the genital exam, she put her gloves on and she put the, like coconut oil.
[00:43:56] Ellecia: And she's like, you know, I'm gonna touch you this way. And she says, [00:44:00] and if you get aroused, that's okay. And I started crying again and I was like, whoa, what is happening? So I'm like connecting like the, the crying in there and the crying here. And he talked about fear and I was like, I started to like shut it down, right?
[00:44:14] Ellecia: Because that was super scary. But instead I was like, this is my opportunity to like maybe look under the hood, like what is happening with this? And I kind of opened. To all of the things that were coming through, and it was like, it was fear and shame and like this rolodex of images from my past that just all, just all suddenly just all came together and made a big story.
[00:44:33] Ellecia: It's like, oh, the childhood, the pleasure, the shame my body shuts, gets aroused. I want it, but my, my subconscious says, danger will Robinson and everything shuts down. And so that kind of, that was really like what broke it open. I only had, at that time I only had a single orgasm. It was really hard. To get to, it was like a fucking math equation.
[00:44:54] Ellecia: And, uh, it was only clitoral. I had no other, uh, no other experiences of other kinds of [00:45:00] orgasm pleasure. Mm-hmm. And, and it, and it, but it started, I could, that's where I got started and I could start to pull the threads of that. I used to only be able to orgasm with fantasy because my body and my mind were so disconnected.
[00:45:11] Ellecia: So again, like one, one, cobblestone led to another, led to another. And you know, now I have this really rich and vibrant and like. I mean, some people can't understand the, the, the experiences I have at the, at the height and pleasure that I experience. Some people don't won't, some people won't ever know the kind of pleasure Yeah.
[00:45:34] Ellecia: That I get to have. I mean, and I'm, and I'm so, I'm so in love with my body as this vessel that has the capacity to feel the level of beauty and pleasure and sadness and grief, like. I'm just so in love with this vessel and what it does for me and what it allows me to feel.
[00:45:55] Ellecia: I love that so much. I love what a, what a beautiful story of healing.[00:46:00]
[00:46:00] Ellecia: And, and thank you for sharing. I wish that everybody would give themselves access.
[00:46:08] Ellecia: Yeah.
[00:46:08] Ellecia: To, to, to falling in love with yourself. Healing all the shift.
[00:46:11] Ellecia: Right. To
[00:46:12] Ellecia: keep just
[00:46:12] Ellecia: looking to fall in love. Yes. Yes. To even consider it. I can share, um, a practice that I do that might be. Useful. Uh, please. It ha Yeah, I, I, I create a goddess night for myself at least once a week.
[00:46:28] Ellecia: So that means I, I shower and cl clean my body for myself. I, I put oil on my own body. I cook or I take myself out to a favorite meal. I dress for myself. And, you know, after that and, and there's nobody there. It's just me. So I get to, I, maybe I chat up people or if I, I, I'm, I'm very present. With everything that I'm doing.
[00:46:49] Ellecia: So I'm, so I'm both giving to myself and I'm, yeah, actu I'm consciously receiving from myself as well, and like honoring, like I don't drink out of a counter a bottle anymore. I [00:47:00] only ever pour it into, you know, pretty goblets or shiny things. That because that is self honoring to me. And again, like I don't do it mindlessly either.
[00:47:11] Ellecia: I'm like very conscious and intentional when I do it. And, and then I come home after the meal and I undress in front of the mirror and I dance maybe, and I put on sexy music and sometimes I get altered, you know, because that's, that heightens it to another level. Breath work or even like edible or something like that.
[00:47:27] Ellecia: It's legal here in California. And, and I spend that time worshiping myself. And I, and I wanna give the caveat, 'cause like some people will say, oh, well it's just about doing these things, you know, shower, food, touch the body, dance. But that's not it. It's, it's not about the doing that's a masculine point of view.
[00:47:48] Ellecia: It's about how you're inhabiting the moment that you're spending with yourself and intentionally and consciously receiving self-love. Every gesture, [00:48:00] right? And, and, and it starts with like the goddess knife. But the truth is, you can do that in every day, in every mundane moment around you. You can, you can put the seatbelt on in a way that you want your lover to do it, or like the shower water, you know, as it runs over your body.
[00:48:17] Ellecia: Imagine that being like your lover's touch, like there's so many ways to inhabit each moment differently. Then the absent-minded, you know, busy mind that we tend to live in life. And so that we go back to that like survival and competition, you know, that we, we tend to be in kind of survival mode most of the time instead of in pleasure and self-love.
[00:48:41] Ellecia: Being present aware. Yeah. I love it. I love it. That's And receiving so good. I think it's so hard, especially for women
[00:48:49] Ellecia: and
[00:48:50] Ellecia: to receive.
[00:48:54] Ellecia: That is, that's a constant practice. Yeah.
[00:48:58] Ellecia: Yes. [00:49:00] And so receiving from yourself, again, like Uhhuh, absolutely. Self care is not about what you're doing, it's who you're being, who you're being, right.
[00:49:09] Ellecia: When you're doing that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's the care part. Yeah. Yeah. Um, is there anything that I haven't asked you that you wanna share?
[00:49:22] Ellecia: I think I'll, I think I will, you know, talk about a little bit back to, uh, th forbid Malcolm, the book, right? I mentioned the dark, masculine, a dark, masculine and feminine. I kind of didn't explain what that really means. 'cause we have, you know, each of us, of course, inside has both a masculine and feminine aspect to ourselves.
[00:49:37] Ellecia: And that, that language is, is. Faulty actually. And in, in a, in the third book that I'll be writing, my second book comes out in February. I'll be in the third book. I actually am creating a, a set of non-gendered archetypes so we can all be talking with the same language and non-gendered and no light and dark, because that's a value judgment.
[00:49:55] Ellecia: So there'll be like outta coherence or distorted or incoherence, [00:50:00] so, mm-hmm. So the dark ma, the, so, the, the light, feminine and masculine all have to do with like. Softness and stillness and comfort and harmony and the dark, masculine, feminine have to do with transformation and change and movement. And so, you know, kink and BDSM and even Forbidden Love are such great examples of.
[00:50:24] Ellecia: You know, the dark, masculine, and feminine, not just with, you know, certainly within the context of a scene, like there'll be somebody who takes on the role of the dark masculine or the role of the dark feminine. So if you are the dark masculine, you're holding the container for the dark feminine. Who is the wild?
[00:50:40] Ellecia: The wild and chaos. And so, like, if the wild and chaos has no container, things get destroyed. If it has a container and, and someone dark masculine, who's helping to direct that energy? Something magical happens if we have, if we have just the container and no wild, feminine, nothing happens, [00:51:00] right? It's just stillness and there's just a box with nothing.
[00:51:02] Ellecia: Nothing happens. So like there's a beauty and a synergistic effect that happens when we are either in scene where one of us, where we're, when we're taking those kind of polarized roles or, or even from within, like maybe we wanna speak up and we wanna say a truth, but then we stop ourselves. You know, that's, that's, that's a non harmonious exchange that's happening within the body, and you can see how that might play out even outside of the body.
[00:51:30] Ellecia: So forbidden alchemy is permission to, well, it certainly breaks down these pieces of ourselves that people don't often talk about, but it's the permission to be in our wild selves. Or if you're, if you're on the other side of that, you know, to be the one who holds. Container. So somebody else, like if you have a girlfriend who needs to rage about something that really difficult that's happened to her, that's you being in the dark masculine role [00:52:00] holding the container for them to go.
[00:52:02] Ellecia: Rage. Rage, right? Nobody gets hurt and in fact, everybody feels better when it's done. So I wanted to speak to that, you know, because I think that those of us who, who, who sit on the outside of society like we do know it's worthy to talk about the wildness. That we are entitled to and that are part of, that are parts of our natural primal nature.
[00:52:29] Ellecia: Yeah. So important. So important. There's so much, um, uh, like toxic positivity, like can only be happy. It should all be good, but like we're, we're, we're whole humans with a whole range of emotions and experiences and desires. And we have to have it all. Yeah. Yeah. And, and,
[00:52:49] Ellecia: but, and a lot of us have like castrated our own wildness.
[00:52:52] Ellecia: Right. But that wildness has a purpose too, I should say. Yeah. Like when we talk about, like, let's say annihilation is part of the dark, the dark [00:53:00] feminine energy. Like the, the annihilation is not purposeless, it is the clearing of the dead stuff. So that the truth can emerge, the clearing of the dead stuff so that the new growth can emerge.
[00:53:11] Ellecia: It has purpose, it's transformation. Yeah.
[00:53:16] Ellecia: Yeah.
[00:53:16] Ellecia: I love that. I'm very excited
[00:53:18] Ellecia: to read your books. Thanks. Yeah, thank you. Great. And the audiobook will be out very soon. I, I did record the audiobook myself. Loved every, loved every part of that process, so I'm just waiting a couple of weeks now. The audiobook will also be available, and it's, it's available in all bookstores, by the way.
[00:53:30] Ellecia: It's a traditionally published book, so book all bookstores and libraries will be carrying it. And the one, the one that's coming out in February is called Flesh and Flame. Pleasure as the portal to Divine Mastery, and it's a broader one around pleasure, you know, and how the, and how, how transformative pleasure can be when you, when you sort of finally decide that you're, you're no longer wanting to be on the ster wheel of shadow work and you want, what is the next, what's the 2 0 1 3 0 1 [00:54:00] level pleasure.
[00:54:01] Ellecia: Is it Uhhuh? I know it sounds counterintuitive. That's amazing. But it's, but you've gotta like crawl out of the hole. Right of, of being in survival mode to finally see what's available. Yeah. To you.
[00:54:15] Ellecia: Yeah. Amazing. Oh, so good. So good. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, oh, thank you. Thank you. Oh, how, how, how can people, um, you said they can find your book.
[00:54:25] Ellecia: Is there any other, like, can they follow you? Yes, yes, they can. I
[00:54:28] Ellecia: do have a website, Sharon Marie Scott dot com. Also substack, where I write articles, uh, Sharon Marie Scott there as well. And then social media, YouTube, and TikTok are life turned on. If you look for the campaign called Life Turned On. Or Sharon Life turned on on ig.
[00:54:44] Ellecia: So yeah, any one of those combinations and certainly get on my newsletter. And, um, you know, another, I, I'll be at the Austin Tanha Festival in December, uh, to do two presentations, one on Forbidden Alchemy and the other on Pleasure as Technology. And then you can hear about [00:55:00] the announcements of the, the other books that are coming up as well.
[00:55:03] Ellecia: Amazing. Amazing. Thank you so much. I've, this has been, yeah. Fantastic. Thank you. Oh, I have one more question for you. One more question. It, um, it doesn't, doesn't go on the main episode. It's for our, uh, supporters of the show for fun on Patreon, uh, at patreon.com/not monogamous, and it's our just the tip segment and it's, uh, is there a favorite or best sex tip that you would give the listeners?
[00:55:31] Ellecia: What a great question.
[00:55:43] Ellecia: It's perfect. Thank you so much. All
[00:55:45] Ellecia: right. Thank you. Thank you for saying yes to this conversation and thanks for, thanks for this work that you do and these platforms that you give like a voice, like mind to thank you. Of
[00:55:54] Ellecia: course, of course. Okay. Wow. Take a breath, maybe stretch your hips out, [00:56:00] maybe text your lover.
[00:56:01] Ellecia: Maybe schedule a goddess night for yourself. That conversation was a whole ass journey. Talking with Sharon Marie reminded me why I love doing this show. We get to have big, brave, messy, emotionally honest conversations about desire and jealousy and pleasure, and healing and sex that most people are too scared to even.
[00:56:19] Ellecia: Like whisper about, they're like, oh, I can't talk about that. Uh, and the thing that stuck with me the most is this, your taboos not a problem. It's a portal. Your desires aren't here to ruin your life. They're, they're, they're gonna show you where you're meant to expand. And pleasure is not frivolous.
[00:56:40] Ellecia: Pleasure is, uh, like a frequency. It's a healing technology. It's magic. It's a language Your body has been fluent in since the beginning, since you were born. So if this episode cracked something open for you or made you rethink what's possible, share it with someone who needs it. Tag me. Tag Sharon Marie, spread the [00:57:00] gospel of the Pleasure Renaissance.
[00:57:02] Ellecia: And if you want more, uh, don't forget about our bonus segment with share marie uh, patreon.com/notmonogamous. Uh, great sex tip. She's amazing. Thank you so much for listening. You're amazing. Thank you for, uh, choosing relationships and intimacy that suit you, that fit you, that feel right for you, that are wild and alive and true.
[00:57:26] Ellecia: See you soon. Bye.