The Truth Hurts - But Hiding It Hurts Worse, Ep. 132
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory.
If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion.
You’ll learn how to:
→ Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet
→ Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-monogamy (rejection, loss, shame)
→ Speak your truth without exploding or shutting down
→ Create emotional safety for hard conversations with partners or metamours
→ Reconnect to your own inner honesty and nervous system safety
Because pretending your desires don’t exist won’t protect your relationship, it’ll rot it from the inside.
Your truth might hurt for a moment, but hiding it will hurt forever.
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TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00] There was a time that I thought keeping quiet was the kindest thing I could do. I swallowed my truth so my partner wouldn't feel scared. I smiled through jealousy. I said, it's fine when it wasn't, and little by little I disappeared. And if you've ever done that in an open relationship in polyamory and non-monogamy or anywhere that love feels like it's asking you to shrink, then this episode's for you because the truth hurts.
But hiding it hurts worse. I'm Ellecia Paine. Your non monogamous relationship coach and the host of, Nope, we're not monogamous.
So I have a rule for myself now if my gut is feeling like really queasy, if my chest is getting tight, if my whole body is like vibrating with fear about saying something, that's my clue that I have to say it. That queasy feeling used to mean danger [00:01:00] to me. And now it's like this big flag that says, here's the truth that needs to be shared.
And it's not the same as anxiety. It's my body telling me that something real is trying to get out something that I've been sitting on for too long. Something that wants to be free more than it wants to have control. So when I feel that sensation, those butterflies in my stomach, I pause and I take a breath and I whisper to myself, okay, this is one of those moments. It's time to speak up. It's time to tell the truth, because if I don't. That truth doesn't just disappear, right? It festers, it turns into resentment. It shows up in my tone, in my body language, in my sex drive.
It starts making decisions for me. And, and that's like, that's the thing about honesty. You, you can try to hide it, but it always leaks out.
in non-monogamous relationships that might look like picking fights over [00:02:00] nothing, when really you're heard about a boundary that wasn't honored or suddenly feeling numb. Around a particular partner because you've been avoiding the conversation that would make things feel real again,
Or agreeing to a rule that doesn't sit right and then slowly disconnecting instead of speaking up. I've been there the first time I realized how much it was costing me to keep quiet. It was over something really small. My partner wanted to go on a date. I didn't feel good about that date, and I was like, sure, it's fine.
Except it really wasn't. I spent the whole night spiraling. Anxious, angry at myself for not just saying, Hey, I'm not okay with this yet. Like, let's slow down, let's pause. And the next day I didn't feel better. I felt even worse. And not because of what he did, but because I betrayed myself, because I was trying to look evolved or like just get it right.
[00:03:00] And so I made myself this rule. If I'm terrified to say it, I have to say it because my silence doesn't protect my love and my connection, it literally hides me from it. So let's talk about the kind of truth that makes your throat tighten your heart. Whisper. Please don't make me say it the truth that says, I'm not fulfilled like this, or I want more connection, or, I think I might be polyamorous and I dunno how to say it without breaking their heart. If that's you, take a deep breath.
You're not broken. You're just bumping up against the edges of your own truth, and that edge is not a cliff. Okay? It's a doorway. Okay. All right. Let's start with the hard part.
Pretending your desires don't exist, won't protect your relationship, it will destroy it from the inside out. When you lie to yourself long enough, your body starts to revolt, right? You lose your spark, you stop showing up fully. You start resenting the very person that you're not.
That you're trying not to [00:04:00] hurt. And the thing that a lot of us forget is that when you're hiding your truth, when you're hiding what is real for you, you're not actually protecting your partner. You're robbing them of the chance to be with the real you, like you're making decisions for them instead of with them.
And if they don't have all of the information, how can they give real consent? How can they make choices that honor both of you and your relationship? And that's, that's the effect self betrayal has on relationships. It creates this kind of dishonesty that sounds like peace on the surface, but it feels like a lot of tension underneath.
it's like smiling while your gut is twisting up in knots. It's saying you're good when you're anything but good. I mean, I've done this a lot. Okay. I once convinced myself that like my silence was being [00:05:00] kind. It was kindness that if I didn't rock the boat, everything would just stay steady and easy. I told myself that I should just be grateful. I have love, I have security, But every time a part of me wanted to explore, to like connect with someone new, I shut her down. I shut myself down. I kept thinking I could logic my way into being satisfied, into being happy, into being content, and the truth I was hiding wasn't dramatic, right?
It was really simple. I wanted more, I wanted more freedom, more aliveness, more truth between us. But I was terrified that saying it, that like speaking it out loud would destroy everything that we'd built.
But really, silence doesn't create stability. It builds this shaky foundation of like almost honest conversations, which I know a lot of you are having almost honest conversations. Okay? Uh, every time I swallowed what I was really feeling, I thought I was keeping us [00:06:00] close, but what I was actually doing was drifting further away from him, from myself, from our relationship.
And I see this with my clients all the time. Yeah, like someone says, I don't wanna overwhelm my partner, or I'm just giving them space, or I'm gonna wait and see what they want. And underneath that, they're terrified that speaking up will make them seem needy or jealous or difficult or too much. So they shrink down, they over function, they wait for the right time, the perfect words, and in the meantime, their partner's flying blind thinking everything's good. Because when you don't share what's real, your partner doesn't get to make informed choices, and they're building a connection on a, like on a half finished map, right? Like they, they might think everything's fine when actually the emotional ground beneath them is cracking and shaking, and that's not fair.
[00:07:00] And that's like your fear, pretending to be compassion. And I get it because, uh, in non-monogamous relationships, this fear actually gets louder. Like you might think, you know, if I say I'm jealous, they'll feel guilty and cancel their date. Or if I admit that I'm curious about someone else, it'll open a whole can of worms and conversations that I can't control. Um, but, but I'll give you a little reframe here. Your honesty gives the relationship a chance to adjust, a chance to evolve and grow into who each of you actually are, and your silence gives it no chance at all. Right? So when you choose to be honest, even like messy, scared, honesty. The message you're sending is, I trust you with the truth. I believe our connection can hold this. I wanna build something real, not something that just looks good from the outside. And that's big work. And when you stop [00:08:00] hiding your truth, you stop hiding what's real for you, that's when your relationship has a chance to really grow. So, okay, I want you to take a second right now and ask yourself. Where in your relationship are you editing your truth to stay safe? And where are you carrying the weight of what you're not saying? Maybe it's a little tiny thing, right? Maybe it's a little truth, a boundary that doesn't feel good anymore. Uh, maybe it's a big one. Like maybe you wanna explore new connections or something about your agreements. Doesn't fit who you are now. Whatever it is, that weight that you feel in your body, that's your truth, asking to be spoken. And the longer you hold it, the heavier it gets. And not just for you, but for, uh, the people who deserve to know you fully. Right? So, um, gentle reminder, silence isn't actually, kindness isn't actually kindness, honesty [00:09:00] is. Okay, so take a breath.
If you stopped editing yourself for just a second, what truth would rush to the surface?
What's that sentence that you keep almost saying and then swallowing it back down? Sometimes the things we hide aren't even that big of a deal, right? They're these little tiny, small truths that are like stacking up until they feel impossible to carry. Like example, I don't actually like the way our time together has been shrinking, or I miss the spark we had before. Everything had to become so scheduled. Right. When I ask my clients this, there's usually like a long pause. Hmm. And then a whisper a little something, because deep down we all know what we're actually like, what we're not saying, right?
So why do we keep it [00:10:00] inside? For most of us, it's fear, like fear of rejection. If I tell them they might leave. Fear of judgment. If I say it, it'll sound selfish or jealous. Fear of loss. If I rock the boat, I'll sink the whole damn thing and sometimes it's guilt, right? They're finally happy. Who am I to mess that up for them? Sometimes it's just habit like we've been for performing, being fine for so long that we forget what it really feels like to be honest and like really authentic and that fear makes sense. You were probably at some point taught that honesty actually ruins relationships. Um, that your truth is dangerous, that keeping the peace matters more than keeping yourself intact. But, but the irony is that by staying silent, you're already messing it all up, right? Because your partner can't love a version of you that isn't really you. They can't show up for needs that you [00:11:00] don't name. They can't give consent to an agreement that's built on half truths. They can't, um, they can't observe your boundaries if they don't know what they are. It's this like quiet erosion, this slow decay that happens when everyone's just trying to be cool instead of being honest. You stop reaching out. They stop checking in. Suddenly you're parallel playing instead of connecting. And in non-monogamous relationships, this can look, uh, this can look like things like pretending you're fine with a new partner dynamic when you're actually feeling really anxious about it. Or maybe you're like downplaying how hard Compersion feels, because you don't want to be the jealous one, quote unquote, the jealous one, right? Or you're avoiding a hard talk about safer sex boundaries because you don't wanna kill the vibe, you don't wanna ruin the mood. And every time we are silent, every time we hold back, we start building a wall. [00:12:00] And then pretty soon you're wondering why you feel lonely in a relationship that's supposed to be open and have more to it, right? So, uh, so I wanna invite you into a gentle practice right now. I want you to think of one truth that's been like living in your body. Maybe it's something you thought of earlier.
Maybe it's something right now. Don't judge it, don't fix it. It's not bad. You're not wrong. Just name it quietly to yourself. And that is the first step back into integrity, right? Because when you name it, it stops owning you. And you know, and, and maybe, maybe you're just thinking it through, maybe you're journaling it out to yourself. Maybe you voice, voice memo yourself. But like. Find those things. What are they? Just like acknowledge them and remember, like the truth doesn't have to come out perfectly. You don't have to craft a TED Talk for your partners, okay? You just have to start being honest enough [00:13:00] that your relationships have real data to work with real information to make decisions on. Honesty doesn't destroy love. It deepens it. It gives people a chance to love the real you rather than the per performance of who you think they want. Silence doesn't make things smoother, it just builds up pressure until the truth bursts out sideways. Right. It bursts out sideways. It comes out all wrong. It comes out as resentment or distance, or betrayal, or a blow up, and your partners can handle more than your silence. Like truly, what they can't handle is the version of you that's disappearing behind it. That's hiding behind it. Okay. If you trace it all the way back, most silence is built on fear. We talked about that. It's fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of shame. Those three hold more people hostage than any bad breakup ever could. Right. Fear of rejection sounds like if I tell them what I really want, they'll stop loving me. Fear of loss says if I admit this isn't working, I'll [00:14:00] lose everything that we've built. The fear of shame goes straight for the gut. If I say it out loud, it proves them too much. I'm not evolved enough or I'm not good at polyamory.
I know that one promise. Uh, there was a time years ago when I realized, uh, my relationship agreements didn't fit anymore and they look great on paper. They're fair and balanced and progressive, but inside I felt like it just didn't sit right. You know, my partner was thriving, dating, exploring, glowing, loved, and I was smiling through panic attacks.
I was telling myself to be happy for him to just do more healing. And I remember one night I was sitting, um, my shower has a seat in it, and I was sitting in my shower, uh, kind of ugly, crying into the stream of water hoping that no one would hear me. Um, and it wasn't because he had done anything wrong, okay?
He was being, he was so kind and thoughtful and communicative. I was crying because I had been [00:15:00] abandoning myself. I kept quiet every time my intuition said, you're not okay right now. I was terrified that if I spoke up and I told him the truth that I needed to slow down, that I was jealous, that I wasn't ready for the things we'd agreed to, that it would break the relationship.
Why would he stay with me when I hadn't even been honest in the first place, or I wasn't gonna give him the thing that he wanted? Right? But what I didn't realize was that staying silent was already creating all of these, like all these wounds in me, right? So I finally spoke up. I told him everything I was scared to admit, and what happened, it wasn't perfect. He didn't throw his arms around me and say, wow, thanks for your vulnerability. He was confused and he was hurt, and he was defensive at first, but then something softened and he said, okay, thank you.
Thank you for trusting me with that. And that's, [00:16:00] that's when I realized that I had been protecting him from information that he deserved to have, right? Because when you withhold what is true for you, you're not actually avoiding conflict. Trust me. I know. I love to avoid conflict. I want no conflict ever.
But really what you're doing is denying your partner the chance to make honest choices. You're keeping them trapped in a relationship that's built on half-truths. Right? And that's not kind, that's, that's control disguised as caretaking. That's control disguised as kindness. And, and we do this all the time in relationships, not just non-monogamous relationships, um, but especially non-monogamous relationships.
We say things like, I don't wanna ruin their night. I don't wanna ruin their date. I don't want them, I don't wanna make them feel guilty for being happy. But by staying quiet, what we're doing instead is managing their [00:17:00] emotions instead of managing our own. And that keeps us really stuck. So if you've been here, what I'm talking about, I want you to hear this.
you can be scared and still be honest. You can love someone deeply and still tell them something that disappoints them. You can feel terrified and still choose integrity. Because that fear is not gonna vanish before the conversation. It's not supposed to. Fear is your body's way of saying, this matters.
You need to speak up. The work isn't to wait until you're fearless, because you're not gonna be okay. It's to learn how to walk through that fear with compassion for yourself and for your partner, and for your relationship. So the next time that tight queasy feeling hits when your throat locks up and your brain starts writing the like, I'll tell them later script, give yourself a pep talk. Say to yourself like, I can be scared and still speak because you can. That's where [00:18:00] intimacy begins. It's not in the moments where you're fearless, where you're unbothered, it's these moments where you're brave despite being scared. I bet you wanna know how right you are. Like, okay, how the heck do I do this? okay, we'll talk about it. Um, it, it's one thing to know what your truth is. And it's another thing without turning it into a volcano or a puddle. Okay? You don't need to drop truth bombs. You need truth bridges. You gotta build bridges. And that takes practice. It takes building an emotional muscle, right?
Like, like weightlifting. Uh, so when I say building the muscle, I mean, uh, learning to stay connected to your body while you're speaking. Most of us try to talk about hard things from the neck up. We try to be really logical, scripted, overthink it. And honesty isn't an emotional or, or an uh, excuse me. Honesty isn't an [00:19:00] intellectual thing. It's really, it's a somatic one. It is body based. So your nervous system is the one actually doing the talking. So before you speak, I want you to pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Notice your breath. Ask yourself where the truth is sitting in your body. If your throat is tight, bring your hand there.
If your chest feels heavy, breathe into it. You don't have to fix the feeling, okay? Just let it know that you're listening, acknowledge it. And that simple pause can actually change the entire tone of a conversation because when you're speaking from regulation, when you regulate your nervous system, what you say, your truth actually lands a lot softer, right? You can still be firm, but you're not like flinging your fear across the room. You're not throwing it at your partner. You're inviting connection instead of conflict. Okay. I am gonna [00:20:00] give you another example from my own life. Okay. I really know this one. Guys a while back, uh, I needed to tell my partner about a thing and our dynamic that wasn't working. I had been avoiding it for weeks. I'm doing that thing where you wait for the right time, which actually never comes.
And so before we talked, I took 10 minutes to like, just breathe. To just breathe. I wasn't meditating. I wasn't journaling, I was just breathing, and I felt my heartbeat, calm down. I said out loud to myself. Okay. Okay, body. Okay, ellecia, we're we're safe to tell the truth. And I wanna say I walked in and said this, but I didn't.
I texted it because my trauma says in-person, conversations are going to be conflict and you're gonna die. So I get all of this sweaty palms, heart racing, just to send a freaking text. [00:21:00] And my partners know this about me. Like, like we've, we have established that this is a way I can open the door. Right.
But I said, Hey, this is hard to share. But I wanna be honest with you. I love what we've built something in this is feeling off and I wanna talk to you about how we can make it feel better for both of us. And that that one minute of like grounding saved us from a four hour argument and sending that text.
And then getting like a heart response back, like, yeah, of course we can talk. Just I was, I calmed down. Oh my God. I thought we were gonna have a four hour argument and instead I was regulated. I reg, you know, I, I was still feeling it, but I was regulated and I gave my partner's nervous system permission to regulate as well.
Right, because when you can calm your body, it tells their body, [00:22:00] we're safe. This is connection. This isn't an attack. And, and that is a real skill of communication in non-monogamous relationships of communication and relationships, period. It's a skill that you build over time through practice, right, of staying open enough for the truth to move through you without turning it into blame. Without turning it into conflict. So if you, if you wanna start practicing the, wow, if you wanna start practicing this, here's a, a simple flow that I teach my clients, right? Just breathe before you speak. Don't respond mid adrenaline spike. Right. Even 90 seconds of slow breathing can help reset your, your body, help reset your nervous system to calm. Name your intention out loud. I wanna share this because I care about us. Or I'm not trying to fight,. I want to understand. Notice neither of those sentences started with you, you this, you [00:23:00] that. Right? I feel I want. Lead with vulnerability instead of accusation.
I've been scared to say, this lands so much better than you never listen, right? And then stay curious. After you speak, pause, ask, how is this landing for you? Like, be curious about what's happening for your partner. Be curious about what's happening for you. And those four steps aren't just for partners, right?
They work with metas, they work with your children. They work with your family. I've seen Metamore relationships heal because someone took a breath and just said, Hey, I know this might be awkward, but I want us to feel comfortable around each other. Can we talk about what it would take to make that easier? And that is nervous system leadership. That's how you speak the truth without exploding. And also like for real, this is not about perfection, okay? You're gonna fumble, you're gonna overexplain, or you're gonna say it too bluntly sometimes. That's fine. That's totally okay. Every time you try, you're [00:24:00] building capacity, you're strengthening that muscle.
It is like going to the emotional gym. You don't get stronger by waiting until you're already strong or until you're already confident. You get stronger by doing the reps scared and shaky until honesty starts to feel comfortable like home. So the next time you feel that lump in your throat or that knot in your stomach, remember that the goal isn't to sound calm. It's to stay connected. Take the breath, say the thing, let the truth come out. Let it move through your body instead of just like bottling it up inside. Because when you speak up from that grounded place, being real, being tender, you're not dropping a bomb, right?
You're offering an invitation to connect. Okay. I wanna talk a little bit about safety, because yeah, being honest matters, but how we share the truth is what determines whether it builds connection or creates chaos, right? A lot of people think [00:25:00] safety in non-monogamy means never being triggered. Never hearing something that stings, never feeling jealous.
That's not safety, that's avoidance. Okay. Real safety happens in this space where truth can be spoken without punishment. It's when both people can sit in discomfort and still remember that they're on the same team. We can disagree and still love each other. Okay, so if you're about to have a hard conversation, I want you to start by, um, setting the container. Don't just drop it outta nowhere. Set the scene. Timing and tone are half the medicine. What I mean by that is if your partner just got home from a date or you're both running out the door, that's not the moment for, Hey, we need to talk. That's the moment for, Hey, there's something important I wanna share. When would be a good time for you to really hear me? Right. You're, you're, you're saying, Hey, gimme some emotional consent here.
You're saying, I don't wanna throw this [00:26:00] truth at you. I want to share it with you. And then when they say, yes, honor that container. Um, no multitasking, no doom scrolling. Put your phone down, turn off the tv. Just be present with each other. And then, um, as you're talking, keep coming back to the phrase. I'm not sharing this to control you,
I'm sharing this to connect with you, and I hope that is also your truth. Okay? Because that, that one sentence can turn defensiveness into curiosity.
and curiosity keeps us really connected to each other because the reality is that in non-monogamy, your truth, what is true for you doesn't just affect one person. It ripples through multiple people. You, your partner, your partner's, partners, your own partners, your potential dates, right? Like it impacts people.
And that's why, uh, uh, this kind of structure matters. You might need to establish, uh, a [00:27:00] night every week that you have a truth talk or a shared journal where you can both write down what's feeling too tender to say out loud. Uh, some people use voice notes or I like Marco Polo. I can like record a video to share emotions when it's too hard face to face.
Uh, a lot of people say don't text because it's hard to convey emotion. It's hard to convey tone of voice, but doing an asynchronous video can be really helpful for that. Some polycules hold, like, um, regular, like state of the heart meetings so that, uh, things don't just build up quietly in the corners. So find what works for your nervous system. And also, like not every truth has to be shared in real time. You can have time to process, right? Sometimes you can be like, Hey, something's coming up for me. I'm not really sure what it is. I'm not quite ready to talk about it, but I'm working on finding the words that's being honest as well. It's the honesty of your process.
It's not a performance, right? So, [00:28:00] uh, when I first started practicing this, I thought honesty meant blurting things out, being blunt. I'd get anxious, I'd spill everything, mid panic and then wonder why my partner looked like a deer cotton headlights. Or why he was confused. Why he was confused about whether or not these were in our agreements because I said.
So many contradicting things as I was like processing my feelings out loud. Now, I, I try to practice speaking my truth with care. I take time to ground myself first. I choose a moment when connection feels possible, and this isn't about censoring myself. Okay? This is about setting us, setting us all up to succeed. And something else that's true is not everyone will meet your truth with grace.
Sometimes you'll speak from love and the other person will still get defensive or shut down or lash out, and that doesn't mean you shouldn't have said it. It just means you learned something about your [00:29:00] relational safety. Your honesty will reveal who's safe for your truth. And who only wants the comfortable version of you.
So when that happens, don't spiral into shame. You're not too much, you're not bad, you're not wrong. Just take note, say to yourself like, this is data. This is data about my relationship and the people I'm relating with. It's not proof that you were wrong to speak. It's clarity about where you stand in your relationships. Because again, at the end of the day, emotional safety is not the absence of tension. It is the presence of repair. It's like the willingness to come back together after a hard conversation and say, Ooh, that was uncomfortable, but I'm still here. Or I got defensive. Can we try that again? Or, I didn't love hearing that, but I'm grateful you told me.
Right? That's what makes non-monogamous relationships. That's what makes love so powerful. It's not being [00:30:00] fearless, it's about creating a space where who you really are, the truth of you, can breathe. And when honesty feels safe, love can like stretch out and relax. Your nervous system can stretch out and relax. You can get comfortable and feel more at home, right? We don't, the goal isn't to become a perfect communicator. Nobody's got that. We just wanna be honest ones. And if the person you're with can't hold your truth without punishing you for it. That tells you a lot. That is really important data to have. It's not your cue to hide better or to shrink smaller. It is your cue to reevaluate how safe you are in your relationship. You deserve relationships where tru, where where truth and honesty is safe, even when it's uncomfortable. I promise you do. You deserve that. So at the core of all of this non-monogamy [00:31:00] communication, love, growth, is honesty and not just the kind that you share with your partners, the kind you practice with yourself.
You can't practice ethical, open relationships if you're lying to yourself about what you want, what you can handle, or what your boundaries are. If you're saying you're fine when you're not. If you're telling yourself, this is just what polyamory looks like when your nervous system is screaming at you for rest, if you're calling fear Compersion or numbing out, instead of naming what's real.
So really, uh, radical honesty starts inside. You have to be truthful with yourself. So I wanna invite you to do something really simple with me. I want you to take a deep breath right here. Wherever you're at, you can breathe anywhere. I promise you haven't been holding your breath all day. Take a deep breath.
And ask yourself gently, what am I pretending is fine [00:32:00] that actually isn't? What do I need that I've stopped admitting I need? And what truth in me is waiting for air?
You don't need to fix it. You don't need to announce it. Just tell yourself the truth first. This is where integrity begins.
And I know that once you reconnect to your own honesty, everything else gets so much clearer. Your boundaries make more sense. Your desires feel less confusing. Even your fears start to soften, um, because they're being acknowledged instead of suppressed. I see it every day. People think honesty will make them lose love, but the opposite happens.
When you start telling the truth, even like really awkward shaking truths, you, you stop performing for connection, you start living it. And that doesn't mean that every relationship will survive. Some won't. [00:33:00] But the ones that do, they become richer, deeper, more alive. I, uh, I had a client once who spent months hiding that she wasn't okay with their open dynamic. She kept telling herself, I just need to be more secure. I just need to be more secure. I just need to be more confident. But when she finally said like, I am hurting, I really need us to slow down. Her partner didn't leave.
They recalibrated, they rebuilt safety. And she told me later that that conversation was the first time that she felt like they were actually partners again. And like she actually felt like she could be in an open dynamic. Because she was, she was being heard and held in it. And that's the kind of thing that happens when you stop betraying yourself in, uh, in the name of harmony, right? You create real harmony, the kind built on truth instead of pretending. So if you've been holding something back, it's a need, a fear, a longing. I want you to know that sometimes the truth hurts.[00:34:00]
But hiding it is the slowest heartbreak there is. So let this episode be your permission slip to start saying what's real. Even if your voice shakes, even if it changes things, even if you need to record yourself saying it on video. Okay? Because what's meant for you, the love that's aligned and expansive and real will never require you to, to betray yourself to keep it.
Take another deep breath. Let that land and remember that you don't have to rush your truth out into the world. You can let it unfold slowly. You can learn, learn to speak it in your own rhythm. You can practice it in therapy and coaching and journaling with friends with me until it feels safe enough to say out loud or to share out loud or to share out externally.
Right. Because being honest is not an act. It's, it's a relationship with yourself and the more that you [00:35:00] tend to it, the freer every other connection becomes. So again, yeah, the truth hurts sometimes, especially in non-monogamy, where we're already juggling hearts and fears and desires and stories about how love should look and we're unwinding things and we're, we got a lot going on. But hiding your truth is what keeps you stuck in the same old stories. So start saying what's real. If this episode landed for you, share it with someone else who's tired of pretending everything's fine. And if you wanna go deeper, you can, oh, come hang out with me on patreon patreon.com/notmonogamous. Uh, I'm gonna be put putting, uh, just the tip on there that is, how to say the hard thing without a blowup,
related to this episode, um, you deserve love that can handle your truth. Go practice saying your truth. Bye.